Possible Bliss

Good Occasions

2012-01-23T11:25:00.000+03:00

Things i wanna try:
mmmm Jello!!

All you need is crayons, a hairdryer and some tape, then you can replace some of the melted crayons to make it look neater, you can also put a pic in the middle if you want :) or remove the crayons entirely! Fun fun!

Strawberries dipped in yoghurt then put in freezer!

Pyramid Game

2012-01-19T15:22:00.000+03:00

So things are getting serious. I feel like this is one of those "Adult / life changing / sliding door" moments. The big discussion has been "Whats going to happen if we get married"?
Being Saudi, Melman is eventually going to move to Saudi, whether it be in 2 or 5 or 10 yrs it is inevitable. He has this dream of buying a house, with his hard earned money and building a life there, nevermind that he agrees the country is retarded, that women are treated as 3rd class citizens just because they are women, that the rich live in their own bubble and dont spend more than 4 - 6 months of the year in the country.
So here i am, a very liberal, open minded and tree loving hippie trying to figure out if giving up my most basic freedoms is worth it for the man i love.
There's always a catch.
There always has to be a catch with every beautiful relationship.
Im really torn, as my puffy eyes can tell you - the result of a 3 day crying marathon.
Do i want to build a life with this man? Yes
Do i want to do it in Saudi? Never
Do i want to be surrounded by his side of the family in a country that is so demented where i cant even drive my kids to school? FUCK NO
Do i want to give up on us? No
but it looks like i have a very tough decision to make, im going to be giving up a lifestyle for something that is completely strange and foreign to me.
I know a diva and a spoilt brat would have immediatley decided to end the relationship. But i want to be a mother and a wife and this is the man i want to do it with, i feel like a mama bear protecting her cubs, this relationship is my baby and i cherish it with every fibre of my body.
Ive seen whats out there, ive seen how pathetic some men are in this day and age... i have never met any man who has loved me as much as Melman has, a man who is truly a man with a good head on his shoulders and an amazing heart in his chest.
i cant ignore this issue because i need to decide, but im just not ready.

Smile

2012-01-12T13:25:00.000+03:00

Someone posted something on pintrest.com (which has now become my latest obsession) about creating a memory jar for the year. Just get a regular glass jar, fill it with notes of memories that made you smile during the year.
Go back and read them at the end of the year :)

Funhouse!

2012-01-12T13:06:00.001+03:00

Also seeing as how i have marriage on the brain...i love these save the date ideas and wedding cards..

telling our story is fun :)

tying the knot ...

Take Care

2012-01-12T12:45:00.000+03:00

So as it seems that i am not blogging that much about my love life or life in general, ive been thinking about turning this into a general blog about things i like, things that make me smile and all the other lovely things that are out there..
For example.. below are ideas for my future home.. i want it to be original and home-y and fun.. like this in the laundry room:

or this!

fuck you

2011-11-03T13:33:00.000+03:00

Driver who hit my car today - Fuck you
Kempinski IShtar Dead sea that kicked me out 3 years ago - Fuck you
Woman who belittled me on email today - Fuck you
My supervisor - Fuck you
Kim Kardashian - FUCK YOU
Shitty line up at F1 weekend - FUCK YOU
Possibly ever moving to saudi if i marry Melman - FUCK THAT SHIT
People who put their kids on their laps while driving - FUCK YOU !!!
you know what im not gonna bother being nice to anyone anymore and going out of my way.. FUCK THAT SHIT>.

God only knows

2011-08-21T12:11:00.000+03:00

So the iftar went ok i think.. it could have gone better had i been more sociable.. i was doing alright in the beginning.. but then after the food I just remained silent.. she mustve thought i was a freak.. Even Melman commented on it when he was walking me back to the car. I just told him to tell her im shy when i first meet people..
I asked him later what she said about me and he said: "She said youre very pretty, and nice.. but is she always this quiet? also, she lives here? on her own? without her family? and why isnt she married yet"
I kinda expected this - coz she is a bit old school. but it does kind of freak me out in a way.. that if things get serious with Melman then im going to be surrounded by that sort of mentality from his family.. ill admit my dad was a bit like that in the beginning eg: we dont have girls that live out of the house in another country - other than for university... but things changed and hes become a lot more liberal...
But Melman's mom has been living in Saudi her entire life.. they arent used to their daughters living on their own and living their lives without their families interference. Its a big thing for me to consider for the future.. but I know Melman is liberal with a lot of his views but he also does have his religious side.. but its never imposing.. its more as a guide on how to be the best person you can be..
Just lots of things to consider if things do get serious..
Ive finally been seeing him.. his Mom just left.. i really do feel how much he loves me, it really is a cheesy thing to say but its wonderful being loved by him. I adore him..

Happiness

2011-08-16T11:51:00.000+03:00

Melman has suggested i have iftar with his family ... so im officially meeting the mom in a situation other than bumping into them at the mall.. its a pretty big step but im not going to think about it too much.. just a bit nervous coz im not looking forward to speaking in Arabic the whole time.. though im really looking forward to the Shishbarak..
updates soon..

It feels good to be around you

2011-08-08T12:14:00.000+03:00

Havent been seeing Melman at all..his family has been in town for almost 3 weeks now.. with another week to go.. i went to London and came back and only saw him once for 1 hour.. at least its making Ramadan go by faster in the sense that he wants to pass this month "Halal"... we've planned a lil getaway although the timing isnt amazing but i discovered he wont be here all of October and the beginning of Nov so this is our only time and it just so happens to coincide with the beginning of my brother's wedding celebrations.. Luckily i was able to book back to Amman in Eid and throw the bachelorette party then..
Was thinking about Oman today a lot and how we met and if i knew then that i would be in a loving relationship with this man.. i actually for once didnt think about anything when i was starting to get to know him,, he didnt really give me time to think about it. i was thinking about how we hugged that night and how he hugged me from behind while we were standing at the camp fire. I wouldnt let him kiss me.. it was cute.. and how we were attached at the hip the weekend after at Creamfields.. and the whole concert he was hugging me. it was blissful.. i miss him :(

Novocane

2011-07-07T11:00:00.000+03:00

The longer i am out of Amman the more i realise how toxic that place is, and how i want nothing to do with it. The stories.. the people who get married just for the sake of it.. i know it really isnt any of my business and to each their own.. but seriously how can you get married twice in one year!? what is wrong with you people? You know what it makes people wonder? that you had an affair the whole fucking time..
If you are soooo in love.. get engaged and get married next summer.. why the rush.. if you truly love each other then your love can wait a few more months, no?
And again i love how people pressure others.. maybe its the pressure.. that causes them to do this..
Iv been with Melman over 7 months and the idea of marriage still freaks me out.. i mean i practically live with the guy so i know his habits.. and yes this is someone i could be with for the rest of my life.. but again that "rest of my life" part freaks me out.. 1 person? forever!? what if he starts to get on my nerves.. what if one day i wake up and i dont love him anymore? Marriage will mean i will have to deal with all the family crap, and Melman does come with some baggage but thats part of whats appealing about him is that he knows what hes doing.. the subject indirectly came up a month or 2 ago and he misunderstood me and what i was trying to say.. and he got a lil mad.. he thought i was giving him an ultimatum - which i wasnt! i think hes just so freaked out about it, about feeling trapped that he took it that way. I told him im not ready and im happy with the way things are.. the worst though is when my friends were shocked that we havent had that conversation yet, and then they make me freak out that its not normal that we havent had it, and then they say stuff like.. you dont have any time to waste.. your getting older.. you cant just date casually.. but im not dating casually - i love him, but im not ready to take that big step.. at least i know one day he will be willing to take it and thats all i need to know for right now..
did i mention how much i hate Ammanis, and my boss.. ohhh my boss is a different story but what a dick..

Buttefly kisses

2011-04-19T19:18:00.000+03:00

Im being ridiculous.
Im sitting in my room crying coz im reading "One Day" by David Nicholls (If you havent read it or are planning to read it then dont read this blog any further)
Its not an epic love story, in fact the man is a bastard in the book, but the 2 best friends fall in love eventually and fall into a routine.. a very ordinary domesticated routine and i imagine that the characters at this point are me and Melman. And i think of how much i love him, and how used to him i am already that after only 5 months i cant picture my days without him.
Im way past my love test
My love test or how you know you love someone is: I imagine if they died would i cry? if i feel tears in my eyes then i love them.. Morbid ... i know.. demented even..
so i imagine that about Melman and im literally crying. it doesnt help that im due to get my period any minute..
Im not a very religious person but i want to thank whoever it was - designer of the universe for putting us on the path to meet each other..
i also worry that he doesnt realise what an amazing love story and relationship we have quite the way i do.. i said something the other day.. "is this normal" and he said "baby you act like you havent been in love before" that kinda pissed me off... i have but this time its a bit different, im older... more mature.

Smooth Criminal

2011-02-10T14:54:00.002+03:00

You know what disturbs me? Is that when i have kids and mention Michael Jackson's name.. they wont have any idea who im talking about.. Michael Jackson wouldnt have existed in their lifetime..

whats going on

2011-02-10T14:38:00.000+03:00

Whats going on here? Every day i log onto http://www.thenational.ae/ and lately ive been noticing that almost every headline involves children being molested, murdered or abused.. Is it simply because people are reporting on these issues more? or is the workd turning into a more evil place?
Some headlines:
11-year-old assaulted in hotel room, charges say

Jailed imam cleared by appeal court of molesting boy, 8

and recently the biggest one was: Rashid al Rashidi, 30, was executed by firing squad at 8.35 this morning for raping and killing four-year-old Moosa Mukhtiar Ahmed in 2009, prison officials confirmed.

Disturbing.. you dont know who you can trust around your children..

Who knows who cares

2011-02-10T09:18:00.001+03:00

Conversation with my "wife"
Her: I am having the worst ugly day, bad hair extraordinaire, bags under eyes and the mother of all spots, plus i have the hiccups.
Me:You know what cures it? dont laugh but its been scientifically proven, i saw it on an episode of QI, its a bit gross
Her: Drinking upside down?
Me: Stick your finger in your bum......
or you can think of 10 bald men - that works for me
Her: Ewww seriously?
Me: Im serious
Her: How did you manage to figure that one out?
Me: Stephen Fry said so..
Her: Shit my hiccups are gone!
Me: See it worked! Did you do it?
Her: No i didnt put my finger up my bum! i just thought of it and they went!

All i want is you

2011-01-29T21:55:00.001+03:00

i know i havent been updating much - work has blocked so many websites - including blogger .. those bastards.. and i literally have been attached to Melman after work.. so there hasnt been time to blog.
Im not going to bore you with details about how blissfull he makes me feel, and how truly wonderful he is.. ill spare you guys the cheesy details.
Supposidly meeting the mom sometime this week - although meeting her as a friend - coz they be conservative like that - which is fine by me.. wouldnt want the mom to think theres something going on and then the pressure starts..
i have my concerns about the family - being religious and conservative (well the parents and extended family are) he isnt.. i know i should look at the big picture.. but im not going to end it with him based on that reason.. its hard enough finding someone as amazing as he is - but also having a connection like that with someone doesnt come everyday.. Mommy dearest found out coz of my bro obviously.. she took it in the most mature way she possibly could... but obviously she had to give a critque of my personality first .. saying i tend to get hurt easily and im so eager to be in a relationship that she doesnt want me to fall for someone just coz they show some interest.. she said we also know nothing about the family.. we are difficult to fit with... and we need someone similar to us etc etc.. She took it well.. i know when she meets him she'll love him.. but i dont think she'll be too thrilled about the family dynamic. Also she said.. is it true he's a giant? i said yeah of course..
She said: do people look at you funny? i said yeah he's very tall..... She almost had a heart attack. Anyways so she left it at.. date other people and do me a favor : put it on hold.... Me: Put what on hold? the relationship? she said : No emotionally put it on hold.. we know nothing about him ..
While my mother is trying to be smart and save me from falling for someone who might not be from the same social status / standing / background as us, i on the other hand am not a robot and cannot "pause" my emotions.. for once i was calm and collected when talking to Mommy dearest.. she wants me to pause it until she meets him... sighhhhhh .. i have no comment.
one day at a time..... but for now he makes me feel Bliss..

Love and Affection

2011-01-05T10:34:00.000+03:00

Men take note: this is how you should be... what Melman did last night and how he was ... im walking around with a big goofy smile on my face.. im literally walking into walls and laughing..

He took me out for dinner, the food was so so, the conversation was on a downer - we discussed past relationships - the important ones - its not too bad on his end: The last one (although in my opinion i dont consider her a gf) ended a week before i met him and he was going camping to just clear his mind.. Sounds familiar - i was doing the same post scruffy.

Driving back i was tempted to just call it a night and go home, and then he said.. dont tell anyone i ever said this but Happy One month anniversary.. i know it was a few days ago but we were both sick etc.. and i wanted to do something nice for you.

MELTING!

Salt Skin

2011-01-04T10:26:00.000+03:00

Its a new year .. bla bla.. new page... bla bla..
So Beirut was cool, i was still a bit sick so i didnt enjoy Music Hall as much as i could have but it was pretty kick ass..
First night i get there i meet up with Melman - we go to dinner with a random friend of his.. see Haifa Wehbeh - blekhhh.. but Melman was barely even looking at the stage - his focus was all on me :)
Next day we go for breakfast and meet up with Tutti Fru - i got the thumbs up from her... my brother met up with us - he was as expected - not very talkative and being a bit silly - trying to take a pic of how tall Melman is... that evening we went to Music Hall - i was feeling super sick tho - but i was a trooper and stayed out pretty late - Melman was bouncing off the walls, super hyper getting along with everyone - i cringed at one point when i saw him trying to dance with my bro.. "criiiingeeee"
Next day we went downtown, had lunch there, met up with an old friend, then got ready for new years eve. Melman came over with a bouquet of roses and lillies :) awwwwww my heart melted. We cracked open some champagne with Lamster and Mon and then head out to Rococo. Was a pretty good night, lots of kisses and hugs, dancing and prancing. I told Melman with a big disclaimer at the beginning.. " i love you" i said im only saying it tonight and it doesnt mean anything i just want to say it coz i feel it right now and you dont have to say it back and im super wasted.. he said just say it already.. i said " i love you" he said.. i love you too..
Ive broken several "dating" rules with Melman.. and for some reason im not stressing.. he puts me at ease.. when he calls me on the phone a bit needy and lovingly i just want to rush over and hug him.
Anyways so i ended up getting pretty hammered that night - broke another rule - i puked infront of him.. not very sexy.. ekhhhh
Next day was spent recovering.. and everyone started to get pretty sick. Bro didnt say anything to me during the whole trip - it was starting to get to me. He doesnt ask me anything about my life - nothing even about Abu DHabi or anything.. as far back as i can remember he doesnt take any interest in my life.. hes not close to me.. i always feel im doing something wrong in his eyes.. like i always feel i should be guilty.. but for the first time i dont feel guilty about anything..
Mother found out.. she wants to talk about it later on today - woman to woman.. no yelling no nothing.. fingers crossed.. i have nothing to hide.. i like Melman a lot.

When my time comes

2010-12-29T11:05:00.002+03:00

Ive always known that my brother was an immature, judgemental bastard but what he did 2 days ago takes the cake.
Tutti fru and Jazz were worried about my brothers reaction to seeing me with a complete stranger in Beirut and so they wanted me to tell him beforehand that i was seeing someone.. So here i am trying to be an adult about things and be honest with him for once... i call him and tell him im seeing someone and that he will be with us in Beirut for New Years.. i said dont mention anything to the parentals coz its still early days but im happy and i cant wait for him to meet him. He says i dont care ... your old enough to do whatever you want.
So the next day he starts bbming me asking me questions about Melman.
Where is he from, how old is .. I knew that saying he was half Saudi would n ot go down well with my bro.. but i told him the truth and naturally as predictable as he is.. he had a shit fit.
WHAT?! Hes half Saudi? wtf is wrong with you.. i guess desperate times call for desperate measures huh? I said dont judge him till you meet him. He then saw a pic of us on FB and he said.. Damn sis youre going to heaven.. i said why? he said: you give ugly people a chance in the world. i commend you . and he started laughing
Now my brother isnt the most mature person - in fact he's one of the most immature people i know and the fact that hes my brother and only coz hes my brother by name that i think his opinion matters to me.. but after what he said.. i will never ever tell him anything about my life.
He said i know you too well.. your gonna do what you always do.. ive heard and seen this story a lot of times - you try to hard.. ur almost 31 and do you honestly think youll get serious with a half Saudi? and you bring him home to mom and dad they are gonna be so cool about it? I wonder how long it will take before you get bored of this one. i just worry about you ...
Your not at an age where you can just date. u should classify someone as marriage material first and then date them.. Why dont you ever date a good looking guy?
i said coz good looking guys like you are assholes.. they are players.. just like you were before you met Tutti.. he said yeah and look i love her and i would never play her.. i said well you got lucky then didnt you.
He said i dont see you married to him so why go thru the process?
I said you would prefer i brought home a guy like you? good looking and from a "good family" but a guy with no stable job and lazy and moody? (sorry tutti fru - im just furious at this point)
I said dont judge him till you meet him.. you cant form an opinion about him before you meet him, whatever misconceptions or stereotypes you have about Saudis keep them to yourself and judge how he treats me and how he is.. for once i am dating someone with potential and im happy.
He eventually did apologise but the damage was done.. i dont even want to see him anymore on this trip. i understand he's concerned about me.. but the way he says things are just as bad as how my mother says them .. without thinking that they might hurt the other person.
His opinion no longer matters to me and it no longer will... i will not bother myself with talking to him like an adult.. he really hurt my feelings and it hurt me to think my brother would put a stereotype before his sister's happiness.

Not going home

2010-12-23T12:48:00.000+03:00

He woke me up today with the sweetest msg :) Im finally seeing him today.. stupid training in Dubai has kept him there all week.. but he's called every day.. bbms every 2 hours or so.. so it hasnt been toooo bad.. ill admit its been a bit frustrating..
He might come to Beirut.. his work needs to send him there for 2 days pre new years so he might extend and stay there to party with us. Fingers crossed, really hope he does.. would love for jazzy, lamster and tutti fru to meet him, plus i can gauge my bro's reaction as well.
i just want it to be bloody 5 pm so i can go home!

Miss you less, see you more

2010-12-20T12:13:00.000+03:00

You know that feeling when you start dating someone.. and you start falling for them .. and you think.. there's no way anyone else in the whole world can be feeling what im feeling for this other person... like no one gets it.. we are the only 2 people that feel this happy about each other?
thats what im going thru right now.. i know its so soon.. and i should be grounded to the floor, but he does make me feel blissfull and its not only coz of the way he makes me feel but also because of the way he is.. im not hallucinating emotions or trying to fit him in a type or category.. but he's really different from the jerks ive been dating (casually) since i broke up with Nena.
I want to save every msg he sends me so i can look back on them with a cheesy grin on my face:
"i keep sneaking peeks at our pictures"
"i missed having you next to me when i woke up this morning"
Melting away.. sorry let me enjoy this bliss :)

Home

2010-12-19T14:49:00.001+03:00

What a blissful weekend..
Drove down to Dubai and met up with Melman, at first i was hesitant to stay with him because i wasnt thaaaaat into him like he was into me. And i was worried he was dorky.. i guess i have a habit of being paranoid and scared when i first date someone.. i tend to over analyse... eh duh..
he opened the door and all those doubts seriously melted.. He's so tall and i find it so sexy.. he was dressed in a smart shirt and jeans and i thought to myself.. oh no... im in trouble..
we hugged and decided to go for dinner... We ended up at Karma Kafe, was my first time there,. was pretty cool.. ive become one half of those couples who dont take their eyes off each other and constantly hold hands over dinner. He kept telling me i was beautiful and he loves my smile.. and he always wants to make me smile. Our moments of cheesiness were balanced though because we talked about a few subjects that were sooo none cheesy. His past is a bit colorful.. but not tooo colorful and not too dull.. its just what i was looking for.. and he;s not cheap or tacky or anything (Except maybe for the tacky lighter he pulled out on second date) but that was it.
Next day we went for brunch to Zuma with some friends.. D loved him, she said we suited each other and that he was clearly so into me.. coz he kept looking at me... we then headed to the mall, did some shopping, then drove down to AD for the xmas party. We did a version of 20 questions in the car on the way back.. we covered jealousy, love lives, personalities etc.. He does little things that make me melt... he even bought the present for Marky Mark and Tony T's xmas party, he pays for everything.. he's a good dresser, he calls his parents everyday. He uses words like kudos, and sauntering.. we have a couple of moments where i dont have to say anything and he knows what im thinking .. or we'll think of the same thing at the same time.. ok im going to stop with this cheesiness..
anyways..
Next day he had to go to work.. i finally saw him in his dishdashe, looked pretty good .. but weird.. but a good weird.. he kissed me and said: yours kissing a Saudi babe.. how does it feel? looool
We met up in the evening.. he even left his course early when he found out i was waiting for him at the hotel, and he rushed up to me with puppy dog eyes and hugged me for ages. We went to Tron Legacy at the Dubai Film Festival - was an experience.. we walked the red carpet, took a few cheesy pics on his blackberry etc..
was truly a bliss-full weekend.. how can i not fall after a weekend of this?
Sighhh....

The Distance

2010-12-15T09:24:00.000+03:00

I could get used to waking up to this sweetness:
Melman sent me a msg in the morning to wake me up.. it was in arabic - thats the first time any man has sent me a msg in Arabic to wake me up.. so I answer morning sunshine! sorry im not as poetic as you but i havent had my coffee yet...
and he said..
its ok i wont return you yet... i think i lost the receipt anyway :)
-----------------------------------------
Im turning cheesy .. i always knew i had it in me.. just didnt think id enjoy it that much.. oh no! next thing you know ill be looking at pictures of bunnies and babies and start ooohhh-ing and ahhh-ing !

No Ordinary Morning

2010-12-14T10:45:00.000+03:00

Melman is wonderful, really he is.. he must be one of the sweetest guys ive ever dated.. i like him, but im not head over heels in love or anything besides its too soon for that.. i feel like he's more into me than i am into him, but thats ok .. we chilled at his place yest and watched one of my fav movies "Closer" we ordered in some KFC and cuddled. He opened up to me about something thats very important to him.. things seem to be moving the way a healthy adult relationship should be moving, which is everything i was looking for..
Im not going to over think this one.. for now im content

Papillon

2010-12-12T12:28:00.001+03:00

Me: I might have to head down to dubai to cover the Dubai Film Festival.. its not confirmed yet..
Melman: well given that ill be in Dubai starting Tuesday thats good news
Me: Selfish you :P
Melman: When it comes to spending time with you... yeah i am x
.....
Me: Youre such a sweet talker, are you like this with all the girls
Melman: Only the ones who are hot and sweet and i like and their name starts with XXXX
=====================
Bursting into a rainbow.. :)

I crave Paris

2010-12-12T10:41:00.000+03:00

What a week... got into a massive fight with Egyptian whore.. What is it with me and Egyptians? i dont mean to be racist but the majority of them are fucking C U Next Tuesdays... especially the women. All about the drama.. chill the fuck out.. i dont even wanna go into detail coz its just so bloody stupid and long.. but ive been wanting to cut her out of my life for a while.. she's nothing but toxic and drama.. i just didnt want it to be a massive blow out.. which is what she made it.. oh well. im seriously not dwelling on it.. coz shes a retard.. going around groping men in restaurants.. blowing her boyfriend on the yacht i rented for my bday and not locking the door... being very vulgar about sex and men.. even dissing her last boyfriends manhood infront of him.. seriously this girl is soo trashy.. good riddance..
Anyways.. Melman has been an angel.. i think he's too sweet, like maybe sickenigly sweet.. i dont wanna think about it too much coz then ill start to freak out.. but honestly he says things like i miss you.. and im so glad youre here.. and when he hugs me he says it feels so good to have you in my arms.. while this all may be very sweet. isnt it a bit too soon.. its only been 10 days..
then again if he was an ass i would want him to act the way he does now.. so im just going to shut up and enjoy it..
i spent all thursday with him, we went to creamfields.. he met marky mark and tony t... they loved him.. he couldnt keep his arms off of me.. hugging me constantly .. next day we had lunch and dropped him to the airport.. his dad isnt doing too well.. he's already called me from Saudi.. bless him ..
i like him but i wanna take it at my own pace.. and i dont wanna say anything coz i dont wanna spoil it. .. then again Nena moved quickly with me and it did freak me out in the beginning .. and then we all saw how i fell head over heels in love with him.. so no stress..
Booked my ticket for lebanon for new years.. im looking forward to seeing my girls.

Walk in the Sky

2010-12-06T12:01:00.000+03:00

Of all the random places to meet someone...
Went camping over the weekend in Oman, with a couple and met up with a friend of theirs... to go camping with her friends.. her friends turned out to be stuck up rude lebos.. so we didnt end up camping with them and instead moved away from them . At 6pm 2 cars show up next to us and this one guy asks if its ok for them to camp here.. i said sure.. and he said cool, we'll share the vodka.
A few hours later some of them come over and offer us food, so we return the favor.. the group sends me as their guinea pig to make nice with the neighbours. turns out they all live in Abu Dhabi and one of them even knows the guy we are camping with.. Smallworld..
After a few hours of general conversation with the group i end up talking for hours to this one guy... Ill call him Melman. coz he reminded me of the Giraffe in Madagascar.. he's super tall i guess thats why he reminds me of him .. so Melman and i talk and talk.. go for a stroll.. no funny business.. just general dorky talk.. he;s fascinated that i dont like romantic comedies and love sci-fi. he also seemed quite turned on by the fact that i just went shooting last week. He told me he loved my vibe and he would love to see me again. He called me the day after camping and we decided to have dinner at Teatro.. Hes 34, half leb half saudi ( i always have that skit of Saudi in Audis playing in my head) he lived in the states for 13 yrs, he has a good job and hes a happy go lucky kinda guy. He was really sweet to the whole group, asking us if we wanted stuff and offering things..
So dinner was great, lots of hand holding .. he kept saying that hes so glad we ran into each other and how hes having a lovely time.. he wasnt even looking to be with someone.. we made plans to go see Tron Legacy together, and he might try to come to Creamfields this weekend... it all depends on how his dad is doing coz he;s having some heart problems, and we were interrupted at dinner a few times with phonecalls and updates on how he was doing,.. he told me.. not to sound cheesy or anything but im glad your with me and im sorry about this...
He's sweet, so far no games, he seems genuinely into me, but im taking it slow especially in the physical aspect coz i wanna get to know him well, and he seems like a great guy that i could have a wonderful time with .. the only things im worried about are his family aspect - but not gonna stress on that... He;s very good friends with B's brother in law and she says he is a lovely guy.. kteer muhtaram and smart.. will see how it goes ..

Photoshop Handsome

2010-11-29T13:59:00.000+03:00

Went to London.. it was just what i needed.. i needed to get out of this negativity i was in.. The old happier me is back... man i didnt realise how bad i had gotten in the last 2 weeks.. so negative- hated myself..
london was a good idea to regroup get my thoughts in order and see some people i care about.
Im still as busy as usual but now i look forward to doing things. its not because i have to do things to distract myself anymore.
I saw scruffy the other day at volleyball and i was totally myself.. i have no bad feelings towards him and i personally dont care.. today was maybe the first day where i was starting to feel myself get a lil bit down about it for a second , but its only a second and then im over it. i do keep finding myself saying i wish i could turn back time and do things a bit differently but things happen for a reason.
Went to a brunch on Fri with crazy Suze and her friends then some friends threw a huge party at the villas in the Shangri la.. Suze ended up in the pool - some girls were being bitches saying she was flirting with their husbands.. but i know Suze. shes flirty but shes not a slut.
Saw Nelly Furtado in concert, was ok . went Shooting this wknd as well... trying to organize a camping trip. I hate having to rely on people for plans and stuff so ive booked my ticket to beirut for new years.
Im happy for Dinz in dubai who is now dating this guy she has been crazy over for more than a year... they would talk every day and see each other 3 times a week and this went on for 4 months and it took him that long to kiss her... wtf?
i like him in general but theres something bugging me about the situation. Anyways so shes in coupled up bliss and now i can never get a straight answer from her about plans. Everytime i wanna plan something she says shes in and then he decides he doesnt want to go and so i have to tell other people instead... if it happens one more time im gonna just not bother with them anymore. thats what i fucking hate about couples.
Right now im not thinking of dating yet - still.. its like im seeing right thru men... i see their BS. and id rather be friends with someone first.

Touch your toes

2010-11-14T10:08:00.003+03:00

What a long and intense weekend.

Thurs went to a friends place for a few drinks, was emotionally drained, i was just too sick and tired to socialise - whats the point - was just fed up. Who walks in with Egyptian? Was! -- u know the son of my mom's best friend the one who i thought has been indirectly flirting with me for 4 yrs - the one who still owes my dad money? Him! OMG! first i cant believe he would want something from her esp since she groped his brother infront of him a month ago... anyways they suite each other in the sense that he's a jerk and she's a handful.. dont really see it going anywhere..

Fri went to the Kanye West concert - somewhat of a dissapointment -was not impressed by his live performance. Then we headed to Sky Bar. the set up was stunning.. Scruffy's bff got me free access - So i was hooked up for the night.

Saw scruffy, heart went to stomach and felt like barfing, was trying to be super cool. All of a sudden the stage comes to life and guess who's playing a surprise gig? PRINCE... Mother Fucking Prince! was surreal.
When he was almost done, Scruffy grabs me and says can i talk to you outside please.. We go out and hes like im sorry i havent called you in the last 2 weeks,. i said its ok i didnt expect you to. He said theres a lot of tension between us, we need to sort this out.. i obviously denied it but he saw right thru it. I said look im not in love with you i dont want to be with you but i cant help but feel played by you. Coz like i said you were super eager in the beginning and then something changed. He said no i said it from our first date that i wasnt in a point in my life where im looking for something serious. i said i didnt want anythign too serious im not going to marry you or anything, he said yeah but you wanted some form of relationship and i just wanted fun. He said im sorry i never meant to hurt you, it wasnt my intention to ever hurt you and im sorry if i did, but i do care about you and i want us to be friends. And then i said the most retarded thing ever. i said " Everytime i see you i want to vomit" - OH MY LORD HOW RETARDED AM I ? Its pretty funny looking back though . He said do you want to hit me.. just get it out of your system and hit me. I said no im just frustrated that every guy i date it doesnt end up working out. i get over it in a week and for some reason its taking me longer with you .. because its as if all the past relationships combined into one and it just burst on you, and its something i need to deal with. He said lsn we need to deal with this because we have a lot of friends in common, i said i dont want to see you, it makes me physically ill. He said no i want us to be friends so your gonna have to see me, we are gonna keep running into each other, i said you know its gonna take time for me to be cool with everything, i mean im not gonna be ok with you hooking up with another girl in my face. I said just tell me what the hell happened, just tell me your not into me and itll make it easier for me. He said right now im not into you,,, but right now im not into anyone. I cant be with anyone right now, i dunno whats happening with work - i might get fired soon coz they are restructuring, you know i have issues with money etc so i cant be with anyone. I said fair enough. We hugged - i obviously was crying at some point.. and then silly me i tried to peck him him and he gave me his cheek. Anyways im glad we talked, he really showed me he can be a pretty respectable guy - he could have easily ignored everything and pretended all was fine and dandy. I know one day we can be great friends i just need to get over this. But theres this huge sadness in me thats been consuming me for the last 2 weeks, i cry every day and i woke up yesterday crying - it could have been the alcohol - it felt like what my friends described as like when they are coming down off E.
i msgd him yest and said thanks for the talk - one day we can be great friends but these things take time and im sorry i said i want to vomit when i see you. He said dont worry about it and ill be here when you are ready.

right thru me

2010-11-09T21:22:00.000+03:00

I havent thought of dating anyone since i ended it with Scruffy. Im not ready to jump back in the game like i usually am. I have kept myself so super busy i think ive worn myself out.. im exhausted and think i might be getting sick.. i need to relax before the big Formula 1 weekend. Waiting around for free tickets isnt working this year, so ive had to buy them. I hate planning things for people and then in the end they leave me hanging.. i dont wanna be responsible for anyone but myself... I booked some rooms for creamfields for some people and they all bailed on me by booking their own rooms.. its not a big deal coz theres always people who want rooms.. but Egyptian girl is being a bitch as usual about everything.. Shes soo vulgar its not even funny
When we went to the halloween bbq 2 weeks ago we were all eating and i heard Scruffy laughing in the distance with his telescopic camera lens. He caught me at the right moment when i was devouring my hotdog... basicaly a blackmail pic. And Egyptian got jealous and shes sucking on her hotdog like shes giving a blow job (in and out) and then she says./. ive been sucking on this for 5 mins and none of these 5 men wanna show me their fucking dicks... the whole party goes quiet..
its a bit too much.. blehhh
anyways so i was on the phone with someone today and she said.. i saw your pic in a mag and you were standing with this guy, you guys look cute together.. (it was scruffy at the yas island party -- pre breakup by 3 hours) and over the phone im silently weeping. WTF is wrong with me!?? Im fucking exhausted with men and dating. Part of me wants him back and part of me is just giving up and frustrated... i keep telling myself this was going no where.. he cant provide for anyone not even himself.. so why are you so hung up about it.. and then i tell myself im not hung up on him im just tired of the same old story.. that i cant even make it work with a guy below my standard then how the hell do i expect to make it work with someone whos on the same level as me.. and then i remind myself.. i just havent met him yet.

The Lame Shall Enter First

2010-11-03T13:49:00.000+03:00

I got confirmation the other day that i wasnt hallucinating. Turns out Mobo did like me when we were continuously in touch last year. He told a friend of his.. who is now a friend of mine.. he talked to her about me and said theres somethin going on with this girl (me) and that she rejected me when we were younger and i find myself talking to her everyday . She said: he even ditched us in Beirut that night to be with you, he did like you. She thinks what happened was that me moving to AD and his sister putting additional pressure on him freaked him out big time. (he has this sick close relationship with his sister). So i wasnt imagining things there was something going on. Further proof that men are pussies. Im glad i didnt end up with him either or that nothing happened with him, it would have made things akward now and i like him too much as a friend now. Its true that everything happens for a reason.

Ball and Biscuit

2010-11-03T10:10:00.000+03:00

Faaaaaakkk im still fucking angry.. dont get me wrong.. again i repeat i do not want him back.. i just cant believe men are allllll the same.. the longer you take to postpone the physical the more they want to be with you and think you are special.. the minute u jump into the sack with them thats it... the chase is over.. well fuck you... fuck all of you.. youre all a bunch of shallow gits...
You suddenly feel you cant keep up with a woman who is in charge of her sexuality. You want the chase you fucking babies? Boys are like toys.. you have to keep playing games with them.
FUCK ALL OF YOU .. and fuck you scruffy.. you fat lebanese fuck...with no ambition and no money. you werent a catch at all.. and despite that he still got under my skin.. its not because i liked him. but because yet another man proved he wasnt a man and instead a fucking pussy.
FUCK YOU ALL AND GOOD DAY..

Good Vibrations

2010-11-02T21:25:00.002+03:00

"Tonight we make love and sleep…..tomorrow, I make you breakfast in bed."
--- i want this sweetness

kilometer

2010-10-31T14:28:00.002+03:00

Things to do in London:
Walk in Queen's gate
Go to Electric Cafe
Go to Hummingbird for kick ass cupcakes
Go to the movies (even though its a rip off)
Have a night out at Favella Chic
Walk in Hyde Park
Walk in Notting Hill / Portobello Road.
Go to a museum
Have a smoothie from Crush
Eat at Pret-a-manger

Power

2010-10-26T10:47:00.002+03:00

The cloud has been lifted... woohoooo.. im over it :) I knew it would happen eventually.. and all it took was running into Zephyr. No seriously.. running into Zephyr this morning was probably the best thing ever. I walked into Starbucks and saw him there and i was really happy to see him ( we hang out every now and then so theres no hard feelings .. actually theres no feelings there) I realised that if i feel happy to see Zephyr and yet feel nothing for him that this is eventually going to happen with Scruffy and i felt relieved. That maybe the first couple of times ill see him itll sting a lil and ill accept it and eventually one day we will be friends (not butt buddies) That its his loss that he let go of me.. and that the timing was off and this was the course it was supposed to go on.. (still a part of me will be pretty pissed if the case was he was just playing me and needed a way out)but hopefully if that turns out to be the case then ill be way over it by then.
MoFad called me today.. he also has a lot of shit going on in his life.. his dad is terminally ill, he is running his own company and he lives in Dubai.. so im just keeping him around as a friend and enjoying his company im not thinking of anything with him. I promise myself that the next time i feel there is potential with a guy i will take my time.. i will not rush into anything - feeling wise, physical or anything else.

Clementine

2010-10-25T11:43:00.002+03:00

I had one of those dreams where you're yelling in them and the scene is so disturbing that you just want to get out of it.. and when you finally wake up you are crying. I cant even describe it coz it was so morbid and i just wanted someone to come and help and put this person out of their misery.. there were bones and flesh and blood (not in a messy way) but all those elements were there and the person was so helpless it made me so angry.
----------
So wally is having a halloween BBQ at his place on thurs and Scruffy will most def be there... ive decided on my costume (sorta) its a kitty kat .. awww cute.. i wanna try and slut it up a bit - show him what he's missing - i know i shouldnt care and i dont really that much coz he probably isnt the one for me.. but there is this sense of an ego thing.. Part of me freaked out for 5 mins yest thinking that the whole "too much going on in my life" was an easy way out for him and he just wasnt that into me... but i know deep down inside its not true and im not lying to myself..

traveller

2010-10-24T12:28:00.003+03:00

I need to get it out of my system.. im so fucking angry.. how could he let me go? didnt he realise i was waaaaay out of his league.. i was too good for him? not to sound conceited or anything but seriously what an idiot... its just a phase of anger, i dont want to get back with him.. on to better adventures - ive been so busy this weekend - i pat myself on the back for having learnt not to stop my life for anyone.. to not feel too sorry for myself.. and for going on with my life and meeting new people so soon after ending a mini relationship.. i do have my break down moments like right now when i wanna scream a la Kelis " i hate you so much right now"
but this too shall pass..

Sleep to dream her

2010-10-21T10:52:00.002+03:00

Its over... somewhere between deciding to spend the night at Yas Island or going back home.. it ended..
me: "its not working is it?"
Him: "no :("

i was a bit tipsy
so details are a bit fuzzy
i said this isnt a you ended it with me or i ended it with you .. this is a mutual decision.. because im not happy and not getting what i want.. and you cant give me what i want
he said im sorry i care about you .. and i do have feelings for you .. there is nothing wrong with you or how i feel about you
its just too much shit going on in his life that he cant give me all the emotional i deserve
hes like you can see im going thru shit with work, with my family with the money situation.. and its not like its something thats going to be resolved in a week or something.. said yeah i know i though i could be there for you .. but thats not what you want.. hes like even if i was madly in love with you it wouldnt be fair coz i would be emotionally distant.. hes like every day i say to myself i need to talk to her and tell her this isnt fair for her..

Trust me when i say you are amazing.. and your a wonderful person and you will find someone who deserves you and you deserve to be treated the way you want.. i said Dont fucking say that
im sick of this shit..i deserve etc etc.. i know it.. but dont fucking say it..
and i started tearing in the middle of the bloody lobby... we got in the car and didnt say one word to each other..
then when he dropped me i said ill see you when i see you around..
and he leaned in to kiss me.. i let him kiss me for 2 seconds but when i could tell it was gonna be a passionate kiss i pulled away so quick and walked out
i was fine last night.. but for some reason today im not. I wanted more time with him, he was interesting.. fun.. like an open book about his life.. i was very comfy with him. I swear ill kill him if he starts dating someone else very soon.
what a shame it was such a short journey with him.

Barbara Streisand

2010-10-19T14:13:00.003+03:00

Where to go.... what to do.. eid is fast approaching again and i still have no idea what i want to do.. yas is coming into town so ill be a bit busy with her, but i have almost 10 days off. i might as well go somewhere.. the first 3 days will be dedicated to F1 concerts, Kanye West, Linkin Park and Prince. WOOOHOOO PRINCE !! FRIGGIN PRINCE!
anyways so i think worst case scenario would be camping in Oman, but im thinking that probably by then itll be over with Scruffy so i need a back-up plan.. something like going to Barcelona and meeting up with Lamster, or maybe Goa - even if i end up on my own.. i need to do something. (Ive put a time limit on the relationship with Scruff - i know it sounds terrible but i am gonna have to end it sooner or later coz i dont wanna get too emotionally attached to him and because i deserve better - treatment, care, love etc - im putting it to around Halloween time - Nov 1st)

Even after all

2010-10-18T09:31:00.003+03:00

Talked to Scruffy again.. am i expecting too much too soon, should i just go with the flow and enjoy the journey or ?
I said i wasnt happy, i m not ok with 2 days going by and not hearing from my bf, i said when someone uses that label it has certain expectations. He said i thought we agreed we are having fun (monogomous fun).. i said yes but the title implies something.. i feel like you dont care... he said no i do care , if i didnt i wouldnt want to be with you, its simple for me... but maybe im not that emotionally involved as much as you are or you expect me to be. I said i want to be a priority in someone's life and you cant make me one right now.. he said in all honesty no i cant i have so much going on in my life.. he said i deserve to be someone's priority hes sorry he cant do that. Basically the ball is in your court and its your call, if you are ok with this then fine.. i said the right thing for me to do would be to end it.. so i need to take the weekend to think about it.
I saw him after the weekend but we havent had the chance to talk and i havent made up my mind. I wasnt ready to end it.. but now as more time goes by i think its probably better if i do. But again a part of me is saying why cant you just have fun if you know from the get go that you are not taking this guy too seriously why are you so worried and analysing everything... its coz i want to know that the guy im with cares about me and wants to make me a priority.. but i guess not everything in life is black and white..
bottom line: im not serious about this guy, i should just enjoy and have fun but not let it go on for too long coz then i might miss out on someone who is more potentially suited for me.. and cares for me more. Although i have a feeling im going to end it soon.
I went out with Mofad for coffee this weekend.. he's starting to grow on me, but if he;s genuinely interested he needs to up his game. Scruffy wants to go to this media event and MoFad is also going to it.. hilarious.. im in a predicament.

Imagine

2010-10-14T09:30:00.002+03:00

Im probably ending it with Scruffy today. He's not in a place mentally or emotionally to be in a relationship. I cant stand being someone's gf and not hearing from them for almost 2 days. I cant go thru the week just knowing im only going to hang out with him on the weekends... there's something off.. i know he likes me, yesterday when we were playing volleyball he introduced me as his gf to one of his friends and i didnt hear it.. and the guy was like "oh so your the gf :), i have some great stories to tell you about this guy"
Its off.. i can feel it.. im a great catch and he knows that but he's not ready to be in this and im not going to put a gun to his head.. im gonna let go.. which sux coz i liked him loads..

Hearts on fire

2010-10-12T10:14:00.004+03:00

ok i dont think this is working out for me.. this "relationship" i know its only early days - its been 5 weeks or so.. but i dont feel like he's super keen anymore.. yes we spent all of fri and saturday together.. but he hasnt checked up on me since.. sunday night i initiated a bbm - texted back and forth fun stuff, and then nothing.. havent heard from him.. for all i know he could be on Mars.. I moved apartments and i was so looking forward to having someone call me at then end of it and say i cant wait to see it.. am i expecting too much from someone too soon? your either interested or your not.. i mean i hear from Mofad almost everyday.. and he's the one who's super busy..
there are some qualities about scruffy that should make me re think this whole thing.. i mean i know im not going to marry the dude.. but still as a bf.. hes not exactly prime material.. i know i shouldnt be talking about him like he's a piece of meat.. lol meat..
You know how in the beginning you feel like someone is keen on you? well i dont feel that anymore.. and its way too soon for that.. im not going to jump to conclusions but if i dont hear from him today, then i know he's not keen at all..

May i walk with you?

2010-10-10T14:18:00.002+03:00

Had the talk with Scruffy over beers in Hemmingways... the bottom line was.. we are dating.. we r seeing each other.. he doesnt have any intention to see other people, we've agreed to stay honest with each other... if anything changes we'll talk.. he wants to know if at any point i get more emotional about him, i said well obviously i have feelings for you and i care about you .. but im not quite there... He said we are in a relationship but he's worried about fucking it up coz he's not exactly in a very clear place in the sense that he's not very stable with work and he's not mentally satisfied with where he is in his life... but things are going well with us.
We hung out on friday at his friend's bday, then we chilled at my house. Next day we grabbed lunch and then hung out at his bff's house watching movies and lounging.. grabbing random kissess.. His friend said to him infront of me.. remember what i told you about her when i first met her.. and Scruffy said.. you remember what i answered you.. :) cute......
i like being with him loads, im so comfy and im not over thinking this one at all.. the only thing that was bugging me last week was.. once you are sorta official with someone are you supposed to hear from them every day?

i need air

2010-10-06T14:04:00.002+03:00

Im contemplating my next tattoo.. its been over 9 years since i got one done! i have 2 in mind that id like to get.. 1 - some cursive writing on my right inner wrist.. something like "Home"

2 - a musical note on the back of my neck just where the hairline ends.

Tonight is date night with scruffy.. gonna have the talk .. i just want some clarity.. like what does he want from me..

Under LA lights

2010-10-04T14:45:00.002+03:00

Im going to have the talk with Scruffy this week.. no more delays.. today was a bit weird.. i hadnt heard from him in 2 days.. i thought he was starting a dissapearing act.. finally managed to speak to him and he said he thought we spoke yesterday! AMA!
Anyways so i ended up talking to his Bff, and he said you know what you need to sit down and talk to him, he's been going thru a rough patch since he came back from Beirut, he said that they used to hang out everyday but since then its only been on weekends.. he says hes in his own bubble right now.. i dont need this to be honest.. i mean im supposed to be making his life easier.. im supposed to be that silver linning.. and i dont feel like i am.. i need to know what he wants from me.. are we just having fun, or am i his gf.. coz if im his gf then i want to be there for him ..
His bff gave some great advice (this is a man who's known him for over 23 yrs) And i obviously need to bring up the whole religion issue... I actually was a bit burned by today, i apparently have feelings about this man... crap.. crap.. crap..

Nikki dont stop

2010-10-03T10:55:00.004+03:00

Spent 24 hours with Scruffy on Fri... went for coffee to Jones.. i was cringing when i saw the outfit.. cargo shorts.. a black wife beater style top, hooded sweater.. and the hair... all that hair!! eeeekkkkk .. was a bit uncomfy for about 10 minutes but then i just talk to him and im like awww.. i dont care..
Went to his bff's house - Tiesto ended up being cancelled coz part of the roof in Adnec fell in when they were doing the sound test..
Anyways so we ended up watching movies and ordering take away.. scruff and i lounged around for an hour on steves bed talking.. im very comfy with him, i obviously have no hang ups about my body.. this chick that was over with us came said bye and then she said to him.. "shes a keeper, your girl is amazing" Blush..
If only i could cut the hair.. if only i could get him to shave.. if only i could get him to lose some weight.. but isnt that terrible of me that im trying to change him.. i only want to make him more presentable coz underneath all that hair and pudge is a kick ass dude..
Anyways im still talking to Mofad.. but the more time i spend with Scruff the more im becoming his gf.. and thats kinda freaking me out a bit.. maybe coz ive been single for so long.. maybe i really do have commitment issues! After all these years of dating.. i have finally turned into a man..
brilliant..

Bermuda

2010-09-30T14:29:00.004+03:00

Havent seen scruffy in a few days - actually kinda miss him.. i hope im not getting clingy or anything!
Sent me a sweet response to my text:
"i would definitly want one of those hugs at least... a dozen kisses and a few xxx"

Katy on a mission

2010-09-30T11:45:00.006+03:00

Things to do:
Cook that tuna steak in my fridge before it expires...
Put a voodoo spell on my first boyfriend (hope he burns in hell)
Get some laser hair removal
Start packing and move apartments (i have officially paid for my first apartment!) woot woot..
Go jogging
Go to yoga
Drink some tequilla and smoke a rollie ciggarette whilst wearing something flimsy so that i look like im in a Robert Rodruiguez movie
Get a massage
Dance like i have ants in my pants (Havent made up my mind if im goin to tiesto tomorrow or not)

Walk in the sky

2010-09-29T10:19:00.004+03:00

More dates with scruffy, hanging out at my place, watching movies, well i wouldnt call it watching movies, because Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanomo Bay felt like it lasted 15 minutes... (if you know what i mean) Anyways so Friday we had a friends bday in Yas Island, the sleeping arrangements werent exactly set up but it was kinda a given that me and scruffy would be sharing... Anyways so i drove down from Dubai and he was texting me all morning telling me he couldnt wait to see me.. i get there - the boys had already been drinking for a few hours.. we get into the pool after a while and scruffy cant keep his hand off of me.. and he says i probably shouldnt tell you this but i will, i want you. You dont understand how much i want you... like i want to start from your toes and work my way up ... he kept hugging me it was very sweet. We finally get out of the pool and he suddenly feels very ill so i suggest letting him go up to the room, puke it out and ill order room service..
What happeneds was as follows: Scruffy hugging the toilet seat for over 2 hrs (im not exaggerating) and me waiting patiently on the bed while popping into the bathroom in 15 minute intervals to rub his back and put a cold towel on his neck..
Funny enough i wasnt disgusted.. i didnt gag or anything.. i felt sorry for him.. but not pity.. so finally after 3 hours of struggling to move him to the bed and force feeding him he pukes... he kept apologising he was clearly embarassed and said how amazing i was and that any other girl would have bailed by now.. he felt guilty that he ruined my night and he wanted us to have fun..
oh well... its ok ..
anyways so he's a snorer.. i fell asleep till about 5 am.. and then i couldnt take it.. so i woke him up and we went for breakfast.. i must have eaten over 3000 calories that day.. coz we then spent the rest of the day together along with his bff.. watching movies and vegitating..
Anyways so its been 3 days since i last saw him and i actually do miss him.. he's a sweetheart he checks up on me every day and not in a very possessive way. I still need to have the talk with him. He has to understand that the religion thing is a big issue for my parents.. without jumping the gun, coz i still dont know what i want from him and its early days.. also what im worried about is financial security.. hes not well off or anything and i cant help but look into the future.. will this guy fit in with my family? am i just worried coz hes scruffy and christian? its too early to think about these things.. but i have to be practical and look ahead..
Also ive been out on 2 dates with this other guy MoFad, hes older (41) muslim and grew up in london.. our first date was great.. we went for a coffee yest that turned into dinner.. and while on paper he looks much better than scruffy and in person as well.. i felt that there was something off about yest.. there was no spark.. i mean we have great conversations but... so i guess im still keeping my options open for a lil while longer.. im just worried scruffy is jumping into this as a relationship automatically.. he told egyptian girl that we are seeing each other.. and all his friends know.. One day at a time..

La Ritournelle

2010-09-20T13:12:00.002+03:00

Date number 4 with Scruffy we went to see the hasbeens action stars of the 80's in The Expendables. He gave me his word he would watch it with me.. and so all the boys were eagerly waiting my return from Jordan so they could finally watch the bloody movie. Was in Amman coz my grandma passed away :( i had literally been back to Abu Dhabi for one day when i got the phone call that i had to go back to Amman. It was more saddening for me to see my mother than actually grieving for my Grandmother. It just felt very surreal. I guess its coz we know shes been slipping away for more than 5 years now that it makes it easier to deal. But it was more surreal for me when we had to go in and wash her. I felt nothing. Thats what shocked me even more.. that i felt absolutely nothing. Does that make me a monster? Am i a psychopath?
As shocking as it might sound but i felt like i was in an episode of CSI. It only struck a nerve with me when my mom started crying and i had to hold her.
The 3azza was held at our house and went on for 3 days. ive never kissed so many ladies hello before in my life. All those germs.
Anyways so now im back and trying to get back into my routine in Abu Dhabi, trying to sort out my social life, now the weather is getting better and we're gonna have more outdoor activities :)
Scruffy really is a nice guy - i border on looking forward to hugging him and wanting to shave his head... im weird like that ..

Soft Shock

2010-09-14T13:22:00.004+03:00

wow its been forever.
So much going on in terms of the dating scene.. well not sooo much but some stuff has happened.. let me skim thru: went to amman beginning August and met this good looking older guy at a party (41 yrs) ill call him Tiger, he took my number and called me to Abu Dhabi almost every single day - i just thought he was attractive and he would never call me.. but he did.. he would even call me to wake me up in the mornings for work - sweet - i know.. I wasnt sure how i felt about him coz i was always worried that there was something wrong with him - ie he's not smart enough..or he's a player.. but i just went along with it. Went to Amman 2 weeks later and we had our first date, once i got over the first date jitters things were ok but there was too much info being said for a first date, I had to stop him a couple of times, it made me a bit uncomfy, at one point he even asked when the last time i was intimate with someone.. waaaay too much info for 1st date! Anyways i saw him twice again before i left but i felt that something had changed it just felt a bit akward.. so i left it as friends and he continued to call up until i left.. so that made me even more confused with what his intentions were.. when i got back i didnt hear from him.. sent him a random msg saying: Just out of curiosity, what changed? And he sent back the lamest message ever! he said "Nothing changes as i dont like to cause hurt feelings or confusion" UMMM coded message? What he meant to say was: Im not as into to you as i thought i was when i first met you .. BE A MAN AND SAY IT BITCH..
So thats over with..
Meanwhile there's this guy i know - i met him back in February and we have loads of mutual friends.. i always thought he was a pretty cool guy coz hes in the media biz and we like some of the same movies and he's so with it when it comes to this field and you all know what a turn on that is for me.. So long story short: i saw him at his bff's bday (back in July) and he was kinda hitting on me.. few emails and txts later we finally go out and we had our 3rd date yest... the issue is: im not attracted to him.. im not exactly repulsed by him either although everything in my brain is telling me i should be.. he's everything on the outside that i dont want.. He has long-ish hair, he has a grizzly beard, he has a stud in his left ear, he's on the chubby side.. he doesnt know how to dress (AT ALLLLLL) .. and yet despite all these flaws i looooove hanging out with him coz what you see is what you get.. all these outside things can be worked on and fixed i know .. its like a project .. but im not at an age where i want to fix up a man anymore.. and for once im not analysing the dates and the msgs coz inside im trying to get myself to not like this guy too much... he's lebanese christian (even tiger was christian.. what is going on!), he's (i hate to say this )not from the same socio-economic background.. (im not shallow i swear but some of these things are important)
so like i said im trying to not like him and therefore im not analysing it at all.. but i find myself looking forward to hugging him.. hes like a big teddy bear

Swimming

2010-09-01T11:11:00.002+03:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vvr7KXAfck&feature=player_embedded#!

Dunno if you guys have heard of this Lebanese group called Mashrou' Leila. Listening to them makes me miss Lebanon a lot, and i havent thought of being in Lebanon in a looong time.. i miss the eclectic feel of the people there.. you have the hippies, the shishi posh stuck up people, the frenchies, the super political college student. You have everything there.. and i miss being there in winter walking on bliss and heading to Nicely for my classes.. i miss my roomate staying up all night working on her art and smoking joint after joint to get creative.. (it worked - but then again she is naturally talented) Why cant someone build that bloody time machine already!?

acid and everything

2010-08-23T09:50:00.002+03:00

I keep dreaming of nena... its driving me up the wall. It especially happens before i travel - making me very depressed on a flight.. and in almost all of them i know he;s married and yet i tell him that i miss him, or i act like i miss him and i cant wait to kiss him. Maybe Im not specifically dreaming of him, maybe im just dreaming about a relationship in general and since he was the last person i loved its just manifesting itself as him in my dream. (Wow im great at psychoanalysing myself).. anyways im off to amman in 2 days and i actually cant wait - Did i say that in writing?! - whats wrong with me? i just miss being home esp in Ramadan.. and hanging out with the girls... im debating one more year in abu dhabi save enough money and then head back to amman and run my mom's business.. at least this way ill have my own hours and can travel when i like..

Only You

2010-08-15T14:00:00.003+03:00

He finally put a ring on it!!! My bro has finally proposed to his gorgeous girlfriend Tutti Fru and i will now finally have that sister ive been dreaming about my whole life. :)
Its about time i say.. coz i was ready to propose to her if he didnt.. Can i start making funny comments like: He's going to make her an honest woman? :) Jk
Im super proud to be calling her my sister, (im going to go on for about 5 lines about how and why i love her so much.. so you guys who dont give a rats ass can skip to the bottom) She really is the best thing that has happened to him and he would be an idiot if he ever let her go. I have to say i couldnt pick a better person for him, shes gorgeous, sweet, kind and the best moral compass ever :) and shes super fun, oh and she's witty too.. and she's funny, and she does the best single ladies dance ive ever seen.
I have to admit that i cried when i first heard he proposed even though i knew it was coming, and i still tear up when i think about it.. and the other night i was just about to fall asleep when i woke up in a panic and thought of all the things that we'd have to do before the wedding. its not even my wedding and im panicking!
And tutti fru i warn you, im gonna be a crying mess at your wedding.. so if i dont hug you enough or am a bit distant then you know why :) yaaaay super exciting.. am headin back to amman next weekend to see the familia. Ive been going back a lot more often.. and i have to admit it, ive missed everyone. i think abu dhabi was a great change and a great idea but i dunno if a 5 yr plan is going to work, im honestly thinking one more year here and then back to Amman, esp since my mom now has her own business and i could help out.
Raar ;)

Dancing on my own

2010-07-19T10:06:00.008+03:00

Im melting.. no seriously.. i am.. the heat here is officially unbearable.. i no longer have the desire to leave the house, ive seriously never spent so much time, at the medium sized studio that i call home, as i have in the last week. I no longer care about my appearance, i just throw on something loose and dont even look in the mirror anymore. No one can be vain in this weather and if they are, they seriously have issues.

So.. i went to Amman last weekend and discovered not 1 but 2 of my girls are preggers.. (Mabrouk!) i just hope they wait to pop out the second one coz i plan to join them.. seriously i cant wait around for a man to come into my life.

That said, i seriously cant wait to get into a relationship because ive just discovered a gem of a website http://www.myboutiquehotel.com/ that lists all the boutique hotels around the world and i wanna go!!! i wanna test out at least one in every country and while i am Miss Independent and can travel the world i want someone to share this adventure with me. Lounging in a boutique hotel, going to the funkiest galleries and hippest bars, sitting in petite cafes.. etc ...

How funky does this hotel look?

ive seriously been bitten by the travel bug

Where is my mind

2010-07-05T08:48:00.003+03:00

i honestly meet the most random people. Went out on Thursday night to Zuma, was waiting for Syrian boy ( a friend) to show up and he was running late. I was trying desperatly to not look like a hooker standing alone at the bar. Ended up talking to this other guy who was also waiting for his friends.. he was normal enough. Anyways, so Syrian boy shows up and hes getting a drink and im waiting near this bar stool and i look at the guy who has the table and say sorry dude dont mean to take up your space just waiting for someone. and hes like im not trying to be funny or anything but dont put your drink on my table, i need my space.. so i said let me guess your single.. hmm i wonder why.. anyways he ended talking about men and women, and in a span of 2 mins i find out that weirdo appreciates women because "nothing made me appreciate women more than when i went to San Fransisco and i ordered a transvestite!" I seriously could not make this shit up. Luckily Syrian boy came back and i ignored weirdo for the rest of the night..
Anyways am heading to Amman for 40 hours or so for my ex roomate's wedding.. cant believe shes getting married to this dude... im not his biggest fan but oh well to each their own.
I dunno where the time is flying i feel like ive been in a daze lately, ive barely seen my Abu Dhabi friends and when they ask me where ive been i dont even have a proper response!
I went to a hypnotherapy session on fri and sat, but like the one i did in london i dont think it worked.. it was supposed to help me recall a past life, but i didnt see much, all i saw was a cobblestone road and i had the feeling i was a boy and there was something to do with a shipyard. I felt this overwhelming feeling that i was waiting.. i was constantly waiting for something better to come along, and it never did. i ended up ditching a party that mobo and zephyr were throwing... i actually wasnt in the mood to see zephyr's face.

I can make the pain disappear

2010-06-30T13:06:00.002+03:00

Taken from an article in Newsweek, it was about time someone wrote about marriage from a logical and social evolutionary point of view: Its a bit long but worth the read.

Every year around this time, the envelopes begin to arrive. Embossed curlicues on thick-stock, cream-colored paper ask for “the pleasure of our company” at “the union of,” “the celebration of,” or “the wedding of.” With every spring, our sighs get a little deeper as we anticipate another summer of rote ceremony, cocktail hour, and, finally, awkward dancing. Sure, some weddings are fun, but too often they’re a formulaic, overpriced, fraught rite of passage, marking entry into an institution that sociologists describe as “broken.”

Once upon a time, marriage made sense. It was how women ensured their financial security, got the fathers of their children to stick around, and gained access to a host of legal rights. But 40 years after the feminist movement established our rights in the workplace, a generation after the divorce rate peaked, and a decade after Sex and the City made singledom chic, marriage is—from a legal and practical standpoint, anyway—no longer necessary. The two of us are educated, young, urban professionals, committed to our careers, friendships, and, yes, our relationships. But we know that legally tying down those unions won’t make or break them. Women now constitute a majority of the workforce; we’re more educated, less religious, and living longer, with vacuum cleaners and washing machines to make domestic life easier. We’re also the breadwinners (or co-breadwinners) in two thirds of American families. In 2010, we know most spousal rights can be easily established outside of the law, and that Americans are cohabiting, happily, in record numbers. We have our own health care and 401(k)s and no longer need a marriage license to visit our partners in the hospital. For many of us, marriage doesn’t even mean a tax break.

The numbers are familiar but staggering: Americans have the highest divorce rate in the Western world; as many as 60 percent of men and half of women will have sex with somebody other than their spouse during their marriage. Maybe it’s a testament to American crass consumerism, but despite those odds, we still manage to idealize the ceremony itself, to the tune of $72 billion a year. Weddings are the subject of at least a dozen reality shows; a Google search for “bridezilla” turns up half a million hits; and there are four different bridal Barbies. Fifty years ago we had Grace Kelly, resplendent and demure in her high-necked lace gown. Today it’s Britney Spears in a custom-embroidered Juicy Couture tracksuit (and separated within a year, to nobody’s surprise). So when conservatives argue that same-sex couples are going to “destroy” the “sanctity” of marriage, we wonder, wait, didn’t we already do that? “Social science tells us fundamentally that this system is not working,” says Curtis Bergstrand, a sociologist at Bellarmine University in Louisville, Ky., who has written on marriage. Having donned our share of bridesmaid’s dresses, and toasted dozens of nuptials, we’ll take reason over romance. Happily ever after doesn’t have to include “I do.”

Before we get into specifics, a caveat: check with us again in five years. We’re in our late 20s and early 30s, right around the time when biological clocks start ticking and whispers of “Why don’t you just settle down?” get louder. So just as NEWSWEEK will never live down its (false) prediction that 40-year-old single women were more likely to be “killed by a terrorist” than to marry, we permit you, friends and readers, to mock us at our own weddings (should they happen). Current data may not yet identify our feelings as a so-called trend, but they certainly show we’re on to something: the percentage of married Americans has dropped each decade since the 1950s, and the number of unmarried-but-cohabiting partners has risen 1,000 percent over the last 40 years. At 28 for men and 26 for women, the median age at which Americans are marrying is at its highest point ever—and even higher among our cohort of urban and educated. Turns out that waiting is a good idea: for every year we put off marriage, our chances of divorce go down.

Which brings us to this question: if you’re going to wait, why do it at all? Like a fifth of young Americans, we identify as secular. We know that having children out of wedlock lost its stigma a long time ago: in 2008, 41 percent of births were to unmarried mothers, more than ever before, according to a Pew study. (Older, educated mothers make up the fastest-growing percentage of those births.) And the idea that we’d “save ourselves” for marriage? Please. As one 28-year-old man told the author of a new book on marriage: “If I had to be married to have sex, I would probably be married, as would every guy I know.” Even the legal argument for tying the knot is easily debunked. Thanks largely to the efforts of same-sex-marriage advocates, heterosexual couples have more unmarried rights to partnership now than ever. And for the rights we don’t have—well, “if you have enough money,” says Jennifer Pizer, a senior attorney at the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, “you can pay lawyers to litigate just about anything.” To put the icing on the cake, it often pays to stay single: federal law favors unmarried taxpayers in almost every case—only those whose incomes are wildly unequal get a real tax break—and under President Obama’s new health plan, low-earning single people get better subsidies to buy insurance. As Diana Furchtgott-Roth, writing for the Hudson Institute, put it, “Goodbye, marriage.” As of 2013, “unwed Americans may find it even more advantageous—financially, anyway—to stay single.”

To tell you what you already know, the American family is in the throes of change. Gone are the days of the nuclear nest; in its wake is a motley mix of single parents, same-sex couples, and, yes, unmarried monogamists. Anthropologist Helen Fisher, who studies the nature of love, might say that’s a symptom of our biology: she believes humans aren’t meant to be together forever, but in short-term, monogamous relationships of three or four years. For us, it’s not that we reject monogamy altogether—indeed, one of us is going on six years with a partner—but that the idea of marriage has become so tainted, and simultaneously so idealized, that we’re hesitant to engage in it. Boomers may have been the first children of divorce, but ours is a generation for whom multiple households were the norm. We grew up shepherded between bedrooms, minivans, and dinner tables, with stepparents, half-siblings, and highly complicated holiday schedules. You can imagine, then—amid incessant high-profile adultery scandals—that we’d be somewhat cynical about the institution. (Till death do us part, really?) “The question,” says Andrew Cherlin, the author of The Marriage-Go-Round, “is not why fewer people are getting married, but why are so many still getting married?”

The feminist argument against marriage has long been that it forces women to conform—as Gloria Steinem once put it, marriage is an arrangement “for one and a half people.” No woman we know would date a man who’d force her into the kitchen—and even Steinem eventually got hitched—but we’d be fools to think we’ve completely shed the roles associated with “husband” and “wife.” Men’s contributions to housework and child rearing may have doubled since the 1960s, yet even among dual-earning couples, women still do about two thirds of the housework. (One study even claims that the simple act of getting married creates seven hours more housework for women each week.) In the workplace, meanwhile, women who use their partner’s name are regarded as less intelligent, less competent, less ambitious, and thus less likely to be hired. We may date the most modern men in the world, but we’ve heard enough complaints to worry: if we tie the knot, does life suddenly become a maze of TV dinners, shoes up on the coffee table, and dirty dishes? “The bottom line is that men, not women, are much happier when they’re married,” says Philip Cohen, a sociologist at the University of North Carolina who studies marriage and family.

Since the early 1900s, the driving force behind marriage, along with procreation, was that women couldn’t land well-paying jobs: we relied on our husbands to survive. As recently as 1967, two thirds of female college students (versus 5 percent of men) said they would marry somebody they didn’t love if he met their other criteria—primarily, the ability to support them financially. But today, we no longer need to “marry up”: women are more educated (we make up nearly 60 percent of college graduates) and better compensated (urban women in their 20s actually outearn their male peers). We are also the so-called entitled generation, brought up with lofty expectations of an egalitarian adulthood; told by helicopter parents and the media, from the moment we exited the womb, that we could be “whatever we wanted”—with infinite opportunities to accomplish those dreams. So you can imagine how, 25 years down the line, committing to another person—for life—would be nerve-racking. (How do you know you’ve found “the one” if you haven’t vetted all the options?) “We’ve entered the age of last-minute tickets to Moscow, test-tube children, cross-continental cubicles and encouraged paternity leaves,” write the authors of The Choice Effect, about love in an age of too many options. The result, they say, is “a generation that loves choice and hates choosing.”

Which means that when we do tie the knot, we do it for love. Young people today don’t want their parents’ marriage, says Tara Parker-Pope, the author of For Better—they want all-encompassing, head-over-heels fulfillment: a best friend, a business partner, somebody to share sex, love, and chores. In other words, a “soulmate”—which is what 94 percent of singles in their 20s describe what they look for in a partner. Yet the idea of a “soulmate” is still a pretty new concept in our romantic history—and one that’s hard to maintain. Measurements of brain activity have shown that 20 years into marriage, 90 percent of couples have lost the passion they originally felt. And while couples who marry for love are less “in love” with each passing year, one study found that those in arranged marriages grow steadily more in love as the years progress—because their expectations, say researchers, are a whole lot lower.

So while little girls may still dream of Prince Charming, they’ll be more likely to keep him if they don’t expect too much. Research shows that the more education and financial independence a woman has—in other words, the more success she has outside the home—the more likely she is to stay married. (In states where fewer wives have paid jobs, for example, divorce rates tend to be higher.) But when these egalitarian, independent couples decide not to marry at all, they lose none of that stability. Just take a look at couples in Europe: they’re happier, less religious, and more likely to believe that marriage is an outdated institution, and their divorce rate is a fraction of our own. Not being married may make it slightly easier to walk away—at least legally—but if you’ve gone to the lengths to establish a life together, is it really all that different? Studies show that never-married couples with the intention of forever are just as likely to stay together as married ones. And for all the talk of marriage being good for families, a study of the Scandinavian countries—where a majority of children are born out of wedlock—found that kids actually spend more time with their parents than American children do. Work and living habits surely factor into that reality, but the point is this: what’s good for children is stability. The decline of marriage “doesn’t have to spell catastrophe,” says Stephanie Coontz, the author of Marriage, a History. “We can make marriages better and make nonmarriages work as well.”

It may counter what we grew up thinking, but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. With our life expectancy in the high 70s, the idea that we’re meant to be together forever is less realistic. As Hannah Seligson, the author of A Little Bit Married, puts it, there’s a "new weight to the words ‘I do.’ " Healthy partnerships are possible, for sure—but the permanence of marriage seems naive, almost arrogant. "Committing to one person forever is a long time," says Helen Fisher. “I wonder how many people really think about that.” If you’re anything like us, you’ll have plenty of time to do just that—while you’re sitting in the pews, at other people’s weddings

All the lovers

2010-06-27T14:26:00.004+03:00

Just got back from Romantic Roma! OMG im in love ... with the city... i just wanted to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere and explore.. I didnt get a chance to see too many touristic sites because we were busy for a wedding. I didnt pig out too much, i just drank way too much, the whole weekend was a blur.
First night was a gold and black party, i was a bit dissapointed in the beginning because i knew most of the people and there werent any potentially good looking guys. Second day there was a lunch in Villa Borghese, then we did some shopping, then at night i got to chill with a good friend from SOAS. At midnight we decided to go for a stroll and explored the city.. loved it :)
then the day of the wedding we also did a lil sight seeing - Trevi Fountain.. yes i did the cliche throw a coin and make a wish.. Anyways the wedding was in Odescalchi Castle and it was stunning. there was a Tudor theme going on, and the entertainment was great.. and even better there was some new eye candy.
Unfortunatly at the beginning of the evening i was stuck with a very good looking guy that had the worst humor and the most pathetic attempt at casual conversation ive ever witnessed.. it was terrible.. eg: " is this harry conick jr playing?" me: Yes him: omg if i were gay, i would sit on his face and go burrrrr.. (disturbing image)
poor guy his looks could not save him at all.
Anyways i ended up talking to another guy for 2 hours, and finally some witty banter. The comments were completely being reciprocated and i felt relieved. Unfortunatly i blame my pms for being an over sensitive bitch coz when a mutual friend of ours came over and i asked about the guy he said oh hes lovely, i wanna hook him up with someone.. i think he had his eye on someone earlier on that table. (not my table and therefore not me) so i got up and didnt speak to him for the rest of the night.. silly me.
Anyways the rest of the night was a bit of a blur and so much fun, after the parents left we all moved to a club indoors and partied away to the wee hours of the morning. I spent the next 2 hours being twirled around by a gorgeous Syrian guy who looked a little too much like yazzi's ex boyfriend. Anyways he obviously wanted to kiss me, but i wasnt gonna let him do that infront of the whole arab crew. So he whisks me away to somewhere in the castle with a view point where we talk for about 10 mins followed by a great make out session of over half an hour. I felt like i was 17 again. We snuck back into the party. Someone pointed out that they liked the shade of my lipstick.. (my lips were so sore from all that sucking face )
He ended up passing out on a sofa coz he was so drunk and i continued to party away. Raj told me dont bother he;s a sleeze he was hitting on 2 other girls.. i said i didnt care, im not marrying the guy and i dont want anything from him. its not like ever see him again.
But i did send a pic of him to Jazzy and she was freaked out by how much he looked like her ex. it is a lil disturbing.
Back to reality now and back to work :( how depressing but im still on a high - i seriously had a blast

Sugar

2010-06-16T12:40:00.004+03:00

Damn you slow metabolism, damn you bad genetics that are prone to diabetes, damn my large frame... All i want to do is gorge in some chocolate, some candy, some sweet tasty delicious treats. I dont even like cupcakes all that much and im willing to give my big toe for a red velvet cupcake with some sour cream frosting.

Damn you diet!

Been on a diet for the past 2 weeks now and i have my first weigh in today (fingers crossed), to be honest its not that bad and the food is pretty good, and i have to eat something every 2 -3 hours so its ok :) but... but.. im craving some of that sweet that nasty that melt in your mouth stuff called chocolate. I dont even like donuts, but someone walked into the office the other day with a dozen krispy kremes and i was going to have a fit. Sob... look how pretty they look.. all lined up waiting to be eaten. :(

Bright teeth

2010-06-09T11:25:00.002+03:00

i failed to mention last month that i was set up on a date... a blind date.. well not that blind because i obviously googled and facebooked the hell out of him until i found some decent sized photos. My researching skills are quite amazing.
Stats: He's within the 40-43 age range ( i dont have an issue with it, its high time i date someone older)
He's very high up in the investment banking world. (ie hes got money) does that mean he;s arrogant too? coz we all know how i feel about the banker type.
Anyways so Banana (friend from Amman) basically set the whole thing up. we agreed on dinner at Bice in Dubai. I could tell he was a lil nervous at first.. easy on the eyes, light skin dirty blond blue eyes, but what bugged me were his teeth, the were obviously veneers... meh anyways.. long sotry short dinner was great, except for when he had to take a call towards the end of the night and it lasted for 15 mins ( some crisis at work) We parted, he texted an hour later saying he had a great time and he invited himself to my birthday.
Saw him the next week at my bday ( I rented a yacht with some friends - was pretty kick ass!)
but when i saw him i was a bit iffy, didnt feel the click and for a good half an hour i was questioning his sexuality. Basically the outcome of it all was im not really interested.. i could tell his type.. hes from the well off palestinian families, that lived around the world and he likes to party hard (even now in his 40s) and he knows the whos who of who.. that doesnt make him a bad guy its just he's not for me.
One more friend added to the list.
I dont see this as a bad set up .. just one step closer to finding a potential partner (im still a bit iffy about spending the rest of your life with someone.. it scares me.. but deep down we all know thats what i want... i think) damn you gemini mind..

Things i threw in the well

2010-06-09T10:24:00.002+03:00

Someone on ASW recently said this about dating in New York ( i personally think it can be applied in almost any city) THIS is whats wrong with dating these days..

Women are defensive in the "big dangerous city" and raise their defenses extra high,

Men learn that they need to be extra aggressive to break through those re-inforced defenses

resulting in women increasing their defenses, resulting in a smaller proportion of men acting more aggressively - while nicer ones sit it out, and so on and so on

Until in the end women complain that the only men they meet are Assholes and men say it's impossible to meet a nice woman.

There are great women in NY and there are great men in NY

but they end up playing games that make it hard for them to find one another and once they do find one another

the dating culture has already taught at least one of them that there may be something better out there so they treat each other as if their relationship is disposable.

Look for the newbies

Paris, Texas

2010-05-24T13:15:00.004+03:00

Went to Nepal last weekend, very spontaneous trip. Decided to try and squeeze in one last new place to see before i turn 30. Phew just in time

No Diggity

2010-05-11T10:56:00.002+03:00

People shouldnt underestimate how small Abu Dhabi is (does that make sense?)
Went over to Marky's and Tony T's house yest and i showed him a picture of Posh Boy. Hysterical laughter and screams ensued. Why? Because Posh Boy was hitting on their friend yest so hardcore that she was trying to run away from him coz she found him so sleazy. Apparently he's been hitting on her since the end of April.. hmmmm and on thursday night they all went out and he was with them, they shared a cab back and he tried the same line he used to me.. wanna come up for a glass of champagne ... she said no. When he called me on friday he said he was in Dubai.. LIAR loooooool.. And remember those paintings he bought at the auction? well he;s throwing a party for them on friday at his place.. how pathetic.. if he wasnt such a show off and all his pics on facebook didnt revolve around the yachts in St tropez and how i started my summer at wimbeldon style then he might be ok but this showy offy side of him so turned me off.. Im so glad im a social butterfly and i know so many people coz now i know that i didnt say or do anything wrong and theres nothing wrong with how i present myself.. i just chose the wrong guy to go out on a date with but you live and you learn...and im so happy that i found this out instead of me doubting myself. Men seriously can be pathetic.. when am i gonna meet a man's man? I want someone assertive, someone who knows what he wants but who has a soft side too. Not some spoilt brat who thinks people will like him if he shows off more.

Be there

2010-05-10T14:38:00.002+03:00

So i officially get my Puma license in 2 weeks.. get it? Puma? 10 yrs short of a cougar :)
Anyways so Egyptian girl is starting to be a big pain in my ass, she sent me a retarded msg yest that said: There are a few things that upset me. Im not ready to discuss them now but ill tell you when i am, i dont want to lose you because ur a good friend and im telling you this so you dont think im avoiding you. im just taking a step back. LIKE SERIOUSLY?! ummm she was the bitch the other day getting mad at me for inviting a mutual friend to my MY birthday party a friend she went out on 2 dates with and they never even kissed. Trust me she only probably went out with him out of pity or something like that, and she thinks she has claims on every person shes ever been out with.. even if it was probably a coffee. She said "Me and X have a deal that we dont show up with our significunt others infront of the other" UM WHATEVER! And she got really mad at me saying she would never do that to me... How the fuck should i know every guy she went out for coffee with.. um its my fucking birthday and i can invite who i want.. you wanna make a big deal about it dont show up bitch!
And she has the audacity to send me that shit msg yest? what the hell is she bothered about? maybe that i was actually getting along with her bf? maybe she thought i was making fun of her? umm yeah maybe i was coz bitch youre always on the fucking defense... we cant go out once without her making an issue out of something.. Ive realised maybe this is an Egyptian thing coz generally i cant stand them .. look ive tried and ive given them a chance.. seriously im glad this shit happened so that i can phase her out as well.. ive been wanting to do that for a while.
Anyways..... so on to Posh boy... i guess i was right about his kind; investment banker with a porsche etc .. he's dissappeared on me.. He was so into me and then poof nothing.. hey im glad i didnt do anything with him and i stood my ground.. it made me weed out the ones who are only looking for fun. The only shit thing is, in my rush to thinking i finally might have someone in my life i invited him to my bday bash and he accepted and now i dont want him there..
i swear if anyone gives me shit on my bday i will bitch slap them from here to Kathmandu.. Speaking of Kathmandu.. guess where im going this weekend!? Yup.. ive decided to be spontaneous for once in my life and im going to Nepal! exciting and frightening at the same time.. i dunno what to expect :)

Sweet Disposition

2010-05-02T09:26:00.005+03:00

I always said i would never date a man who drove a porsche ( i always think that the men who drive them are attention seekers "look at me! look at me!", i also said i wouldnt date a non-Arab, and i definitely wouldnt date the investment banker type (cocky and arrogant men, looking for a quick lay with tall skinny models).. well guess what... Posh boy is all 3... He's playing the cards right, he texts me, he wants to see me etc... so will see how it goes.. the only thing thats bothering me is that he wants to be a bit more physical and im not ready. its only been 3 dates, and im not rushing into anything, and i told him, i only get physical like that with people im in a relationship, i hope youre ok with that? he said yeah he thinks its sweet that i want it to be special, i dunno if he's just saying that or he means it. Coz he still keeps trying to take it further... but ive been a good girl and im keeping my ground. i was over at his place again yest, and i said listen stop trying.. i dont want this to just be a physical relationship.i think that got to him coz after that he didnt try anymore.. but i felt like something switched off with him at that point. Anyways fell asleep at his, well more like he fell asleep and i listened to him snoring all night.. and i kept fantasizing about going to the bathroom and looking for some cotton wool so i could shove it in my ears. Also everytime i did manage to fall asleep i kept imagining the morality police would be knocking on the door trying to find people living in sin.. Yes i know.. im twisted...
i ran into Zephyr at yoga yest morning, i felt like vommiting in his face, what did i ever see in him, like i said i know it was just physical with him, but still.. he nasty... he tried to talk to me (we're still civil with each other) but i had no interest in small talk so mid sentence i said.. well good seeing you, ill see you around, bye. ufft im so not in the mood for him.
So according to my moral compass (tutii) i shouldnt have slept over but whats done is done.. and i didnt let it go anywhere... and now i have to be sure to not do it at least this week so we can go out on more proper dates.. coz i deserve it! How do i feel about him? its too soon to say anything, i like him, hes funny, hes not a debby downer like zephyr.
Btw i recommend watching City of Life about Dubai, its pretty good :)

The only exception

2010-04-29T13:03:00.003+03:00

Its funny how just a lil time needs to go by when you finally reach a stage and think to yourself.. blughhh i cant believe i was interested in that guy.. thats how i feel about Zephyr, in my defense though i wasnt that into him, and i knew he wasnt the one... Have gotten him out of my system
So im back from my 2 week holiday to California it was cool, but maybe a bit too long. I just hung out with the family and the bro, met his new gf, she's cool, though certain members of the family arent too happy about it. Namely because of who she is.. (long story but we are semi related to her) Shes a bit too American for my taste, but you know what ive never seen baby bro so in love and happy... he's happy so im happy and thats all that matters.
Didnt meet anyone of interest at the wedding that i went to which is ok.. but I did meet a nice "chap" the day before i left to the US... totally unexpected too. We ended up talking for 2 hours, i dropped him home, he asked for my number, said he wanted to see me again, gave me a peck and called me the next day. He was in touch a lil when i was in the states, and now that im back we were supposed to go for drinks, but it got cancelled coz get this: he forgot that that day there was the auction where he had bid for 2 paintings. So we might do something this weekend.
No expectations, no high hopes, no nothing.. just going with the flow.. i think its because im worried i might not be that into him because he's non-arab. But he's a non-arab that is super educated, speaks arabic, is the same "religion"and slightly posh. Will see.

Dog days are over

2010-03-24T11:28:00.004+03:00

Moving away from relationships for a moment i just wanna share my current obsessions and soon to be obsessions and interests.

Im reading a lovely eccentric book which is a collection of short stories called

Tunneling to the Centre of the Earth by Kevin Wilson

then im going to try and finish reading Bliss by Peter Carey which i started 3 months ago and havent managed to go anywhere with it.

Im then going to move on to The Children's Book by A.S. Byatt

My current musical obsesssions thanks to Hypem.com for all the free music and quirky new songs...:

Florence and the Machine (the dog days are over) -- one of those get up dance and sing till your sore inside and out

Klaxon Shore (this place) -- it makes me feel like im in a bitter sweet movie about lost love and longing..

Grizzly Bear (Slow Life) --it feels like a beautiful accident

Im also very much in love with my Yoga classes especially the Vinyasa flow one-- i find myself dying to do downward facing dog all day... and ive started running more often.. on average 5km at least 3 -4 times a week :) its so freeing just running and running... lets hope my knees hold up!

Also did i mention im super excited that im heading to california in 2 weeks to see my baby bro and attend a cousin's wedding? (1st wedding of the season and def. not the last! but no where near the 16 weddings i attended last year)

This place

2010-03-23T12:42:00.003+03:00

I have a fantasy:
that one day i will run into you; when we are older.
that one day our eyes will lock after many years.
you'll be pushing your daughter in a stroller in a supermarket and im busy choosing which pasta sauce in a jar is better.
Ill look up and and see you, and youll see me and we'll freeze in this moment.
Time will stand still, and finally you'll crack a smile.
and my heart will melt all over again.
We'll talk casually in the condiments aisle, catching up on the last 10 years in 2 minutes.
Youll introduce me to your daughter and ill say she looks just like you
and inside ill be crying silent tears for our unborn child.
(UNFINISHED)

Come speak to me

2010-03-23T11:40:00.003+03:00

Was walking down the corniche the other day with a friend and we went to have yogoday.. (arab version of Pinkberry)... and the subject of marriage came up.. as it always does... and she said that ideally if she gets married she'd like to wait 2 -3 yrs before she has kids.. and her mother said "hunny you dont have enought time to wait... by the time you meet someone and get married thats a year minimum, by then youll be 28 - 29, if you wait 2-3 yrs for kids youll be 31-32 and trust me you dont want to leave it too late".. To which i said "you know she's sorta right, by the time i meet someone and get married i dont think i can afford to wait to have kids." Whats sad is that us women have a shelf life. My dad always tells me " dont leave it till its too late to get married" but its not in my hands.. i havent met someone i want to marry.. nor have i met someone who wants to marry me. (thats not the issue right now, what is, is this: im turning 30 in exactly 2 months, i say i have a good 2 years left until i have to take myself off the shelf and become a lonely cat lady) im exaggerating because when it happens it happens whether its at 28 or 42..but women over 30 do have a harder time i believe to get married. Men start to look at younger women as perspective wives, they are more fertile, fresher and less bitter than women in their 30s. I think we become bitter coz we know whats out there and we dont like it!
My friend didnt say anything about the shelf life comment, but i could sense that she was analysing it and didnt what to say. I said dont feel sorry for me, thats the way it is. Women have a shorter shelf life than men, its just how things are. It doesnt mean im going to give up on my quest for love or finding the right man, it just means my options will be a bit more limited. But having said that its not like i wasnt picky in my late 20's. I have criteria and this criteria does exclude a lot of men... so maybe what im trying to say is that despite the shelf life i think everything happens for a reason and when its meant to be, ill know it.

In my head

2010-03-16T11:51:00.002+03:00

So Mobo had a talk with me on bbm and he basically said: why do you sell your self so short.. your amazing why do you let a guy do this to you. I said he didnt i did this.. it was my choice to get into a casual relationship and now was the right time to walk away. and he;s like but your not walking away, you answer his phone calls and respond to his bbms, just stop.
So for the last week Zephyr has been bbming and calling and im not really giving him the time of day. Thurs he bbmd 3 times and called me, i said id call back and i didnt. On fri he bbmed and asked me how the concert was i said excellent and he said "im happy you had a good time" Sunday im going to for a coffee with G and i see Zephyr's car outside the One. I get really nervous and walk up and see him having coffee with some woman. It felt like a business meeting. We end up leaving at the same time and he comes over to say hi, and i say hi and bye. He calls me 5 mins later. He says since you never called me back im calling you just to say hi. I said " i have nothing to say to you, thats why i havent called back, whats the point" he says " ok ok relax, i guess ill see you when i see you around" and that was that. DO you know how hard it was to say that to him? i felt like an ubber bitch. Part of me wants to bbm him and say im sorry i was being a bit bitchy but you have to understand that we cant be in touch for a while.. and part of me just wants to call him in 2 weeks, get some action and leave. But i must resist. The reason why im torn is: i know i dont want to end up with him, but im enjoying the physical and the companionship, but that means im wasting my time coz i could be meeting other potential guys. And i deserve to have a healthy exclusive relationship but again i dont want it with Zephyr but i also dont want to have a casual thing coz i dont want to share.
So thats where i am this week. This weekend we're going on a boat trip, ive also met a lot of people this week and been networking so its been pretty cool. I love the Egyptian girl i hang out with but sometimes her behaviour is a bit too much for me. Shes too foul mouthed. And an attention seeker, but shes a good friend. I wish she had a volume knob or something where i could tone her down.

Cobrastyle

2010-03-08T10:57:00.002+03:00

Here we go ... back n forth... i sometimes wish i were stronger and could stand up for myself more... the problem is i dont know what i want half the time so i just roll with it.
Last week Zephyr met my mom, the next day i saw him for an hour and he tried to kiss me but i stopped him, i said it wasnt fair... he said he was sorry, he's sorry he cant give me what he wants.. he doesnt expect me to understand. whatever.
I left, The next day was his bday.. i dropped off his gift and then picked up his brother and his fiance - they surprised him. Everything was organized with that Argentinian chick who's so hooked on him its disgusting. It actually turned me off him so much. She was like a lil girl wearing her heart on her sleeve and completely dissillusioned. She sat next to him and at every opportunity she was trying to put a hand on him... "when we go to salsa, when we went to yoga.. bla bla bla" he wasnt reciprocating at all. Anyways i left early coz mother dearest was in town. He called me twice on Friday i was busy and he was in Dubai.. was going to his place to see Mobo, and he said he was on his way back.. he said you dont wanna see me right? i said yeah i dont wanna see you.
He ended up showing up to the house an hour later and bumming on the bed with all of us, i had fun actually. You can sense the chemistry between us, i was giving him a few onliners. We ended up ordering takeaway and having some wine, Mobo was heading to Dubai so i was gonna crash on his bed, but his other roomate came home and crashed on it, coz his parents were in town and so i ended up in Zephyrs... Yes i know thats terrible of me.. He obviously did try and i gave in a lil.. Shame on me.. I KNOW!
i left early in the morning.. and yesterday he calls me to have dinner with his brother and fiance i meet up with them later. I ve been pms-ing big time - very emotional etc.. and the whole thing is driving me up the wall. So i end up at his place for a cup of tea and we talk.. he notices im not being myself. i tell him: i cant do this anymore.. you are either with me or youre not.. there is no hazy inbetween stage for me.. u are either my bf or youre not. I cant keep seeing you like this coz we end up going to square one.
He apologized and hugged me and said he likes me and he wants to see me, coz im growing on him and im so cute etc.. i said yeah but you dont wanna be with me.. He said he did... i said i wasnt putting a gun to his head.. its simple.. im not going to be like one of his admirers who do nice things for him and he loves having the attention. He said could we be friends i said no i cant be your friend..
Its like a friggin circle.. round and round.. i said goodbye gave him a kiss and walked out.. im hoping ill be able to stand my ground for the next 2 weeks. Lubs still thinks if i stand my ground he'll come running back.. but with what conclusion. i wont settle for anything less than being in a relationship coz thats what im looking for right now.. Thats right i said it: Im ready for a relationship. Finally..

Soldier

2010-02-28T12:02:00.002+03:00

I finally had the talk with Zephyr.. it wasnt my intention to do it when i was dropping him to the airport, but it sorta just happened coz he started the conversation by saying.. i dont want to get in your way of you seeing other people. Half an hour later i said: Z... i dont wanna see other people, he said yeah i know you dont... he said i didnt think you would be able to do casual. I said i could but im in a point in my life where i dont wanna share myself, i deserve to be with someone who only wants to be with me. He said you do deserve that, and so i guess im not the person for you. He said he was sorry and that he felt guilty coz he was spending so much time with me. He does enjoy my company and he does like me.. his reasoning is that he shouldnt be in a relationship with anyone coz he;s not where he wants to be in his life.. not physically but emotionally and mentally.. which to be honest i think is a nice way of saying you are not the one for me. Coz if Ms. Right landed in his lap trust me he wouldnt say no.
im not hurt about it, coz i was the one doing the "breakup" and i know deep inside he's not the one.. but i have to admit i was getting used to him.. but it was restricting me from meeting more potential guys. I said whether you admit it to yourself or not we were technically a couple we did all the things couples did.. he said i guess we were in a relationship... he said the ball is in your court coz i still wanna see you and im not seeing anyone else but i dont wanna be unfair and stop you from meeting someone who can give you what you want. I said we could hang out just not as often as we were. He started teasing me about how its been a while since someone broke up with him. I still have his bday presents - his bday is in 3 days... im debating whether or not i should still take him out... im actually kind of over it :)
I was kinda bored when i went clubbing this weekend, im also over clubbing.. I got hit on by a very aggressive lesbian! she almost swallowed my diamond earing coz she kept trying to lick my ear - she was super drunk i just had to keep avoiding her - plus she was the friend of a friend so i couldnt yell at her too much lol..
I also had a very racist lebanese guy trying to hit on me, he kept insulting my Korean friend by asking me if he was a chinese dvd seller... i was so close to slapping him.
Caught a bit of the Dubai Tennis tournament i saw Djokovic, unfortunatley it started raining (or should i say it was a typhoon) and the game got postponed.. oh well.

Shiver

2010-02-22T13:23:00.002+03:00

Last weekend we continued the bday celebrations of the friend from the previous blog in Dubai, long story short i had to end up spending the night in a hotel, coz a friend was too fast asleep to open the door for me. Im sure the guy behind the front desk must've thought i was a hooker. I showed up with no luggage in a very revealing dress at 4 am with Zephyr behind me. Zephyr and the rest of the gang were already staying there so i just thought it would be easier to get a room there plus it was dirt cheap. I felt i almost had to say.. "dude im not a prostitute, now give me my damn room"
The rest of the week i saw Zephyr about 3 times, ended up cooking dinner for his roomate and he showed up late from work. Valentines day we were all supposed to go out for drinks - he called me 3 times that day - the second time he called to say happy valentines ( i honestly had no expectations) and the 3rd time he called to take me out for dinner before the drinks. YES HE TOOK ME OUT FOR DINNER ON VALENTINES - i asked him is this a valentines dinner, he said its a dinner on valentines! lool... at dinner he said i was thinking that you deserved to be taken out for dinner on valentines... we had a few moments, i could tell that somewhere in his past he's been hurt. Im not making excuses or psychoanalysing the guy im just telling you what i saw and felt.
took a break for 2 days and then saw him on thurs, went to yacht club, i had a lil too much tequilla - i woke up with the worst headache ever. Spent 24 hours with Zephyr, we left Yacht Club early coz he was exhausted, next morning we went for breakfast - @ 3pm. Later at night i didnt wanna do anything and he really wanted to go for a drink - i was with Marky Mark and his BF, and i dunno how i managed to find the energy to go to Zephyrs and have a drink with him at Jazz Bar. We had a good time just the 2 of us and walked back to his house. We had a lil discussion at breakfast about "us". I said, is this working for you? he said yeah why, its not working for you? i said it is a lil but i go thru days where i wanna tell you that i dont wanna see other people and some days im ok with what we have going on. (im sure the majority of you now know that me and zephyr have something going on but we just havent really discussed it and its not exclusive) Its not exclusive because i dont know 100% if i wanna be with him and also i think he;s afraid of commitmment. If he wasnt afraid, would i be with him? yeah i probably would coz i enjoy his company and he's affectionate. So yeah i go thru days where i say i need to end this coz i deserve a man who wants to be with only me and days where im ok with this arrangement coz i can still date other people but i can have a guarenteed booty call when i need it. But lately it does feel more than just booty and more emotional. Lubs tells me you should see how lost he feels when you step out of the room. I cant rely on his actions anymore i need words that tell me he wants to be with me and not date others. I guess i do want to be with him but is it him or a relationship i want? He calls me almost every day, yest he called me babe - he's never done that. The question is now.. do i end it before his bday or after? I know that for the next week i need to cut him off a bit and its good im going to be super busy, and he;s going to Amman over the weekend.

End credits

2010-02-11T14:28:00.002+03:00

Its so annoying and amazing how a dream can affect your whole day. I dreamt i lost my baby bro, and my heart was breaking, i was thinking in my sleep, does he know how much i love him? do i tell him enough? I woke up crying and its been affecting my mood the whole day.
Went to Chammas yest for a friends bday.. i think it was the 2 tons of beef i had last night that gave me nightmares. Zephyr came with us - he;s growing on me again.. dammit. I bought a present for the bday boy from the both of us.. coz he asked me to.. and then yest someone made this comment to our faces: "you guys are such a good couple, you suite each other very much, i see how you guys mesh together very well" Needless to say i was blushing and muttered something under my breath.
Zephyr's bro is proposing to his gf in Greece... i genuinely felt like a couple last night.. he was patting my head, and put his arm around me.. and we were talking a lot.. people obviously are assuming we are a couple.. but im not reading into this too much coz the guy is clearly a commitment-phobe.. yeah i know what your thinking.. that im thinking im fooling myself by trying to trick him into a casual relationship and that hopefully eventually he will develop feelings for me and then bam.. we are officially a couple..
Well.. yeah i sort of am.. but im trying not to think about it.. im trying not to see him more than 2 times a week. Anyways...

Little Secrets

2010-02-07T15:37:00.002+03:00

I need to lay off seeing Zephyr for a while, im PMSing and therefore i think im starting to get emotional about him. We went paintballing last week it was kick ass. He picked me up and came down for a bit and said " i missed you". We spent the rest of the day together, was fun. Didnt see him till wed, we went to the Belgian Cafe and i got into a tiny accident on the way home, stupid local guy crashed right into me!
Next day we went to El Sombrero in the Sheraton, had the best margaritas, people are starting to notice that things are happening with Zephyr again, i played it down. Went over to his place after but i had to sneak in coz i didnt want Mobo to know it was me, he figured it out eventually. Next day had lunch with him, and in the evening he started texting me. i was starting to feel emotional that afternoon about him but i resisted saying something emotional. Went to yoga the next day and i saw the girl he was dating before me, he never told me her name or anything but i figured it out. And when we finished class she "bumps" into him but with a sort of a lean and he cringe smiles. I say hi casually and he heads to the bathroom and she's waiting for him, i decide i dont want any of this drama and i dont wanna do this to myself so i leave and wait for a cab, i see them walking out together and he gets into his car but tilts his head up to see me. he calls me a few hours later and says where did you go, why did you just leave?
i said i was in a hurry i was supposed to meet someone for coffee. He said he wanted to offer me a ride, i said thats sweet of you but i was in a rush and couldnt wait. What i should have said was.. oh i thought you were going to collect your coffee from X girl... (he apparently left some coffee he bought at her place to have it grounded); but had i said that i would have sounded like a jealous gf, which i am not. but this is a good reminder of what i signed up for. I need to let go of him, im not getting what i deserve from him. He says he's not seeing anyone, and i sorta believe that but i deserve for a guy to only be with me. I need to create some space this week to start getting used to the idea of not looking forward to seeing him.

I got life

2010-01-28T11:56:00.002+03:00

Went out for dinner the other day with Zephyr, he picked me up and we went to Toki at the Hilton, he was very mellow as usual. But i feel like we've opened up to each other more. At one point he asked if there was any one i was interested in or something like that.. and i said "really?! we're really going to discuss this with each other? i dont think so" He's an ok guy but he is too mellow for me as a person, he likes to be alone, which is fine, i used to be like that, but right now im working on my social life coz i like to keep busy. We're all going paintballing on Saturday, cant wait!
Im loving my life now, hamdillah, i might not have my best friends with me, i might not feel like im 100% in my comfort zone, but i needed to do this, i needed to be on my own and start from (semi)-scratch again.

Saturday come slow

2010-01-26T14:34:00.002+03:00

So Zephyr texts me the same day asking me if i want to go to some afro reggae concert.. i give in .. he picks me up, we ended up not finding any parking and go to the Belgian Beer Cafe instead. A beer later and waiting for the table at the bar, he pinches my cheek (face that is.. not ass).. later im sending a msg to someone on my phone and he grabs my phone and wants to know who im talking to .. not in a psycho sort of way.. but that was so unexpected.. Im not phased.. i dont really care at this point. We finally sit down and have dinner and finally the wine is kicking in.. so we start talking about the elephant in the room. I said.. are you confused? or having second thoughts.. he said no.. i just enjoy your company.. it happens to be that im also attracted to you.. he didnt really give me a reason for not wanting to be in a relationship... and im not really looking for one. He said.. did i call you too soon wanting to be friends.. i said yes.. i told you i couldnt be friends with you so soon. He said he was sorry, i said you know if you waited a while and we both realised that it was just casual we could have made a way to make it work.. but you were too hasty. he said it would have been disrespectful to me if it was casual and one day he happens to walk into the same place as me with a girl on his arm.. i said yeah thats true.. but if thats what i wanted i might have been able to deal with it... Anyways.. weve agreed to be friends and we'll hang out every now and then.. and if i want a lil somethin-something im sure i can get it.. coz once im over someone now i dont think i can like them in that way again.. you might think im being too casual about everything.. and i am.. but im tired of being played by men and im gonna get what i want now.. and if its casual with this one.. then i can do it ..

We share our mother's health

2010-01-21T11:45:00.002+03:00

The last thing i ever expected someone to tell me when i dated them was "i dont have feelings for you". I always thought i was loveable! It never occured to me that someone just couldnt develop feelings for me... its unfathomable (did i use that word correctly?) Anyways.. so Zephyr has been fb msging me (2wice this week) and he even asked to grab a beer sometime.. i said as long as you know that its just beer and im not going to carry you home if you get drunk. Silly me i texted him yest asking what he was doing.. he didnt answer till this morning saying he was at some opening and if i would like to grab brunch on Sat. i still havent answered. I cant be bothered about this one... its too much effort and thinking etc.. i have so many things to look forward to that thinking of being with him doesnt make me excited.
Ive just reconnected with an old classmate (she's someone i was never that close to) but i might be meeting up with her tonight and something tells me she might swing in the other direction... which is great coz she's gorgeous and ive always wanted to be with a woman before i settle down... She's invited me to her place tonight for an impromptu housewarming party...
Im super excited about traveling to the states in April esp to see Coachella..
im so glad i got out of Jordan .. especially since those losers are trying to extend media laws to Internet sites... its just retarded, if you wanna read more about it .. go to : http://bambamworld.com/blog/2010/01/14/a-sad-day-for-the-internet-in-jordan-a-gag-order/
and before any of you say.. "but you live in Abu Dhabi where the internet is blocked... " at least the UAE arent hypocrites about it... they have always stated that certain sites are blocked etc from the very beginning.. typical Jordanian BS..

The girl and the robot

2010-01-10T13:56:00.002+03:00

Uffffttt just when i have my life back on track and i think im over him... he calls. Was driving back down from Dubai and he calls to just say hi... I get it, you wanted a booty call? You're starting to have second thoughts? Story of my life.. its only when they leave me that they realise what a kick ass chick i am..
He says he's doing some soul-searching, i asked him if he found a soul yet.. yes that was kinda harsh but pretty funny! Unfortunatly he didnt hear it. He asked what i was up to tonight i asked him the same question, he said "why you wanna take me out for a drink?" i laughed, and said: ME? Take YOU out? hahahaha... after what you did? i dont think so.. He said: thats kinda mean.. i said : no.. mean is what you did.. anyways im over it..
i ended the conversation 2 mins later saying thank you for calling, take care of yourself. I actually feel empowered and its not bothering that much. For whatever reason he called i dont care.. if he truly realised he made a mistake he's gonna have to do some grovelling and i mean MAJOR grovelling. Anyways ive been so busy lately i havent been thinking about him too much, i went to dubai went out with Suduko (still not attracted to him) met up with Digits... yes digits.. the funny thing is we get along well and despite whatever happened in the past i can actually count on him.. its funny what you have to go thru sometimes with someone to get to where you are meant to be.
I might be going skiiing next month with the group of foreigners i met here, might also go camping next weekend, planning on going to the states in April, i bought my new car.. and im super excited about it :) things are finally falling into place.. hamdillah touch wood.

before the worst

2010-01-04T22:38:00.004+03:00

worst break up lines to tell a woman:
1- i dont have feelings for you
2- lets just be friends
3- youll find someone better, someone taller, someone etc....
zephyr ended it with me after only 3 weeks.... MOTHER FUCKER!!! his reasoning? he didnt have feelings for me. He didnt want this to be another casual relationship. a deep part of me felt it and thats why i didnt get too emotional about him.. i told mark today he wasnt the one and sure enuff he invites me over today and tells me theres a reason why i asked you over... i wanted you to know etc etc... he gave me the whole schpiel about being friends .. i told him to save it. I said it wasnt fair that you only gave it 2 weeks. he said i told myself i would know if this person was right for me, and id rather tell you now than later. im attracted to you but i just dont have feelings. i said even after new years, etc ? im glad he told me now. Ill get over it in 2 days as usual. im sick of this crap.. i didnt think that i would be super serious. i was playing it safe emotionally, maybe thats why? i gave off a vibe? i told him not to try to get back with me, coz once its over its over, i dont do back n forth coz my heart cant take it....
i should have listened to MOBO when he said all this guy wants is tail... i gave it the benefit of the doubt. but you know... i know that there is someone out there waiting for me... someone better.. someone i know who fits. and so now im drowing my sorrows with a session of Glee with some great gay friends. thank god for that. im just once again dissapointed.

Float on

2010-01-02T17:37:00.004+03:00

Its a new year and ive finally had a decent Jan 1. Usually Jan 1st is the worst day of the year for me because its such an anti climax and everyone is too lazy and hung over to do anything.. well actually it was a pretty lazy day but i had a cute boy spending it with me.
New years ever Zephyr manages to lock himself out of his house after going to the gym so he passes by me and we head out to a friends pre new years drinks, i was worried he would feel akward coz they arent the friendliest bunch and im not that close to them,.. but he did well :)
Next we went to the Shangri La where a friend had rented out a pimped out villa and was throwing a party. I didnt get a proper new years kiss coz we were standing next to his friend at midnight.. but i did get it a few minutes later.
Some lebanese bimbo was trying to hit on every man and her skirt got shorter by the hour.. she even tried hitting on Z but he was oblivious to it.
We left early and he crashed at my place.. no hanky panky.. he was a bit too tipsy and i was tired. Lots of luvin in the morning though :) we stayed and cuddled in bed till about 3 pm then headed out for a bite to eat and chilled at his place for a bit more before i left him to have dinner with the girls. So apparently he told me he was dating 2 south american girls before me.. one he ended it with and said he wanted to be friends, then another and then he went back to the first only to tell her again he just wanted to be friends. I was like better to tell me now and get this over with. He's like yeah i dont cross date... umm yeah thanks! and hes like besides i wouldnt have a good excuse for new years! lol thats the reason Arab girls dont date him, hes a bit too blunt. I dont mind it... no really i dont.
Im not reading into this "relationship" too much coz i dont wanna get dissapointed so im keeping myself busy and doing my own thing and i see him at my own pace coz if it doesnt work out im gonna feel all alone. Its funny how i said i would never date a man shorter than me.. my number one requirement is he has to be taller than me.. well he's not shorter.. he;'s my height but apparently he loves tall women :) I actually dont feel its akward.
He called me last night after my dinner, i like that he';s consistent.. but again there's the worrier in me thinking at some point he's going to pick up and leave... i dont think he;s my boyfriend yet.. ughhh labels... its at that akward dating stage..

3 words

2009-12-29T10:59:00.002+03:00

Sorry Possible bliss followers, i havent had a chance to write.. first because i usually have to type from work and im worried they are screening everything i write, and also because i dont have internet at home..

So here's how xmas week has been:

Last monday i was invitied to 2 xmas parties and Zephyr came with me (he was invited to one of them) He went out of his way to pick me up coz i live a lil further away from everyone. Went together, was ok, i didnt know how i felt about him, just needed to spend more time with him. Well i got that wish coz i ended up sleeping over that very night because i didnt want him to drive me home (he was drinking) and because i couldnt find a cab at 1 am. We kissed and fell asleep, cuddling. Sweet, next morning he was running late for work but he still dropped me home. I expected that that was the last i would hear from him, but he actually called me that day and wanted to do something, so we went out for dinner. He;s a bit mellow, maybe moody? or maybe im confusing the fact that he doesnt like to give a lot of info about himself out voluntarily with him being quiet or moody or something.
Quirky behavior number 1: We got to the restaurant and he changed his seat 3 times. Ok im willing to over look that.
Dropped me home. Had a lil kiss as well - nice :)
Next day he was leaving to Amman for xmas - i offered to drop him to the airport. I did, and he said see you around... i thought ok thats the end of that.
He came back 3 days later and literally called me when he landed :) he wanted to go out for Salsa that night.. Ekhhh Salsa.. i find it so gay when men like salsa.. (im also going to overlook that) i cant be too picky! I told him i was too tired and would call him the next day.
Sunday he said he'd cook dinner for me.. pasta or something.. 10/10 for the idea, 3/10 for effort.. it was sauce from a jar. He asked me if i missed him, i said meehhhh not too much :P
A couple of tequilla shots and some light conversation and we headed to bed... yes i spent the night again.. i didnt wanna drive drunk, plus Mobo isnt in town and neither is his other roomate so its not like its going to be a regular thing.. coz i would hate for Mobo to know i slept over., he might do some protective brotherly thing..
Lots of kissing :) was actually pretty passionate. He loves to cuddle and i love it :) slept in each others arms.. he woke up in the middle of the night and found me on the end of the bed and pulled me closer and said where are you.. i miss you.
Said our goodbye's in the morning and he called me later that evening, i was busy. I dont wanna make myself to available for him.. also i dont wanna get too attached coz its only going to hurt and i dont know him so well but im starting to enjoy all this cuddling and attention. Also im worried he might be dating around or something coz he mentioned when we first met that he was kinda dating someone but he was going to end it.. and the next time i saw him he said he ended it. He said she was south american and i think i know who it maybe, the other day when i ditched him for salsa i think he went to see that girl's roomate and she was there and gave him his xmas present. im very observant.. but i dont think he;s into her that much. so either way i wanna protect myself.
Friday i was in Dubai at a friend's housewarming and who happens to be there? The beached whale! remember him? from last year? it was kinda akward at first you could tell he was very uncomfy.. and he of course kept drinking like a whale.. i gave him a few witty comebacks.. you could see he was embarassed,... yay! score!
I handled it very gracefully and left to meet up with Suduko, we went to okku for a few drinks then 400. If i was more attracted to him i would definitly go for him, but im not.. he could still grow on me.. Am i really doing this dating around thing? i think i have to so i dont end up falling for someone and then they hurt me, or so i dont become clingy and have a life of my own. Coz im worried Zephyr has a tendency to just walk out of a relationship when he gets bored.
See i worry too much and dont actually focus on whether i genuinely like the guy or not.. i guess thats normal especially when you are just starting to date someone and things arent fully routine yet.
So there you have it people.. things are slowly developing with Zephyr, suduko is still on the horizon - he went to Austria now and is sending me bbms with pics of the most beautiful buildings and gardens :) I have no idea what im gonna decide for new years. A friend from high school is going to throw a party, ive asked zephyr what he's going to do but he hasnt decided yet, he asked me to come down to dubai with him this weekend.. will see..

Wow

2009-12-15T11:26:00.003+03:00

A friend sent me a link from a fellow blogger, and in it he describes exactly how i feel about weddings in the Middle East and how its become the focus and main carnival in someone's life. What makes it even better is that its from a male perspective :)

The wedding invites are piling up on the mantel piece. “Save the Date!” they shout out every day as I walk past them. It seems everyone and their mother is on the road to wedded bliss. I mean in one sense its normal. I’ve just turned 27, so it’s hardly surprising that friends around my age are tying the knot. But I’m sometimes alarmed by the absolute necessity which marriage seems to be in Lebanon.I’m a guy, so it’s actually quite bearable for me. I get a few questions here and there about the existence or not of an unlucky lady in my life. But being a woman must be an absolute horror. Girls get molded into aspiring wives when they’re still potty-training. Two thirds of the female population grow into aggressive husband-hunters, whilst the rest actively reject this social imperative and try and delay things by a couple of years.God forbid a woman would want something as unattractive as a career! She instantly becomes the conversational fodder of bored Aunties Who Lunch during their rendezvous’ at Paul Gemmayze in between hair and nail appointments. As the smell of hairspray hangs in the air and the 5th layer of foundation on their formerly wrinkled face (thank you Botox) begins to melt, they bring up the subject of poor Maya! “Yvette, you know I don’t laike to talk yaane. I’m very discreet, bta3rfineh. Bass cette Maya, she’ll never find a husband like zis. She wants to be a banker 2al. Haram her parents, 3an jad. Bass ca reste between us!”
The worst environment for a woman in her 20s to show up unaccompanied is undoubtedly someone else’s wedding. There she is showered with compliments and fake smiles, and asked when her “happy day” is due. People asking this tend to neglect that a wedding does not a marriage make, and that the “happy day” isn’t really what one should be planning for. The people egging this young girl on towards marriage are often themselves standing a few meters away from an alcoholic husband they’ve come to despise. Maybe they want to drag the young and the beautiful down with them into the realm of the Desperate Housewife.
Weddings themselves have become ridiculously lavish. I was invited to one last summer, and when I asked how many people would be there I got the most ludicrous response I’ve ever heard: “it’s a small wedding. 650 people.” Really? That’s a small wedding? That’s entire population of some island states in the South Pacific. The bride and groom probably get repetitive strain injury just thinking of all the hands they have to shake and the sweaty cheeks they have to kiss.Then there are the less intimate weddings. The one’s with 1500 guests. The ones with a succession of Z-list Arab pop stars belting out their latest lip-synched tune. The ones with pyrotechnics worthy of the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games. The ones with vast untouched buffets and rapidly depleted bars. Weddings so gargantuan that they go beyond the realm of the fairytale and get lodged somewhere between the grotesque and the decadent.I feel sorry for people from my generation who don’t realize that a marriage isn’t about the wedding. That after the sparklers have faded, the champagne has been drunk and the cake has been digested, there’s a real life full of ups and downs to envisage. When you look at someone you’re about to marry, don’t think of the good times you’ve had, think of the worst thing you’ve ever been through together. And think of that moment happening 50 times over the next 50 years.
I’m lucky I have a healthy example to look towards at home; my parents have been together for 39 years. When I look at pictures of their wedding it never fails to make me smile. Twenty impeccably dressed and impossibly glamorous people in small village church. My dad in a dapper suit brought back from New York where he was covering a story for his paper, my mum in a short white dress and big white hat like Audrey Hepburn on the poster for Breakfast at Tiffany’s. No pop stars. No papier mache center pieces. No ice sculptures. Just two people willing to face the future together. I hope I find that someday, and that you will too.(PS: Please don’t dis-invite me from any weddings. I’m really looking forward to drinking your booze and hitting on your bridesmaids)

Undisclosed desires

2009-12-14T13:11:00.003+03:00

Creamfields was last weekend.. it was a huge outdoor music festival - mostly house and Underground music.. it was pretty kick ass.. Before that we went to Mobo's house for a pre and Zephyr was there of course... i didnt feel like socializing with him much but we did talk a bit on the balcony, he said he was still waiting for a response from me, i said i was gonna be busy all next week coz mom is coming to town, he said his bro was coming into town as well and that the 3 of us should get together, he also said he asked his parents about me and apparently they gave him my number a while back to call me in Abu Dhabi - since we are family friends.. i thought he was bullshitting, but turns out we really are family friends, (Typical arab networking!)
Anyways it was mostly small talk.. im not into him but i could mess around with him if i wanted to.. but i realised lately i think im looking for more than just that.
Syrian Boy - who we will now rename as Suduko, is actually really growing on me, he has a blackberry but apparently never used it for msging.. and the other day i got a msg saying he wanted my pin so we could start chatting.. we've been on an almost everyday basis of bbm-ing. Went to creamfields, ran into almost every single person i grew up with - it was insane.. the music was pretty kick ass.. and everyone kept asking why i looked so sober.. so of course.. i drank up quite a bit after that and paid the price for 2 days. Ran into a friend of a friend who had a cute drunk friend with him and he flirted with me all night... again another pisces trying to kiss me all night (Zephyr is pisces) thats the thing i love the attention but i really find myself having no desire to kiss them. He kept trying and i wouldnt budge... we exchanged numbers but i highly doubt im going to be hanging out with him, he seems too much of a womaniser and he's too lebanese!
So mommy dearest is in town, and she's gonna help me buy a car today because i finally got my liscence!! woohoooo... Thank god i did the test when i did because the woman right after me got into an accident which was entirely her fault, she jumped over a curb, dented the front bumper and a hubcap flew off!
The good thing is that im meeting loads of people, and i like the mix, and im always busy - i have like 5 xmas parties coming up!

Im a slave

2009-12-08T09:59:00.003+03:00

So eid break was spent mostly in Dubai. I spent one night in RAK with the wifey, it was a nice relaxing getaway. Went out on another date with Syrian boy. You know when you think you have someone sort of figured out? im discovering sides to him, he can be sarcastic and witty which i like a lot, problem is im not physically attracted to him, but mental stimulation is half the attraction for me, so he could grow on me. We went to Tokyo at the Towers, then went bar hopping and met up with the wifey,. so it was fun.
Also met up with Mobo, nothing to report.
Zephyr got back from his vacay and sent me an fb msg saying " im still waiting for you to take me somewhere splendid!" i said: isnt it supposed to be the other way around? Apparently chivalry is dead...
he said: Apparently you spent too much time in amman, this is the 21st century, equality of the sexes? Get with the program!
FIRST of all you mother fucker: dont call me ammani,... thats like the worst thing ever! i hate being compared to most of those losers in Amman. Thats the part that pissed me off the most.. not the part where he still hasnt asked me out.
Anyways so i responded with a witty comeback: I never said men were inferior :P how about a compromise? you pick the place, i pick the time.
So will see, but to be honest if he plays anymore im gonna tell him im really not interested in going out anymore. Or ill just not respond.
Spent more time with G, he slept over (on the sofa!) and no nothing happened. We are just friends, and i have to say hats off to him for having such a broad musical education it's almost turning me on!
What does a girl have to do to get laid in this city, there i admitted it... i need me some action.

i love it

2009-12-01T10:03:00.004+03:00

I love dreaming, i love it because it gives me an indication or a glimpse into whats going to happen when i wake up. Last nights dream was no exception, but it wasnt the most pleasant dream. I dreamt of that asshole ex- the one who's name we never say. I dreamt we were getting back together and living in a shared space with some foreigners and my cousins, the sex was good, we went for a drive at some point and i called him by the wrong name and then i asked myself why the hell i was with this loser, how was i back with him, how did that happen then i looked at him and i wondered what the happened to his fiance (in real life he got engaged about 4 months ago)no i dont keep tabs on him, i just check his facebook profile once a year for curiosity's sake. So anyways i realised he split up with her in the dream and i was starting to panic, trying to find a way to get out of this relationship, i felt trapped. And thats when i finally woke up - agitated and pissed off. So i decide to check him up on facebook, and guess what - he's now listed as single, no sign of the fiance. Good, the poor girl woke and realised she was gonna marry the biggest loser on earth.

Speaking of other halves, i met Digits' wife yesterday - i basically spent the whole day with his mom and we ended up meeting with the new wife, shes typical syrian style, hasnt been out of syria much, and from what his mom was telling me, she's pretty clueless on how to take care of him etc. He apparently doesnt feel challenged by her, EH DUHHHHH thats what you get for marrying old school style and someone you barely know. Then his mom added that you dont really know someone till you live with them, i said yeah up to a point but he could have seen she wasnt challenging enough for him intellectually, or the fact that she isnt well travelled says something about a person.

He was talking to his mom telling her all this stuff and she said well its not like you can find someone who can challenge you and be your partner and take care of you these days, and he said " no mom there is someone like that. Bliss was like that."

while im very flattered, i know there was no way i could hav ended up with him, he has too many layers which are very annoying and too many moods. But why is it that men suddenly realise when its too late that i made the perfect mate?

BF in London only realised he was in love with me after i broke up with him. Nena - who broke my heart realised it after he got married and divorced, Digits realised it, Im just glad i never ended up with any of these men, coz they didnt challenge me enuff, i didnt feel like a partner to anyone, well maybe to bf in london but i wasnt in love with him.

romeo and juliet

2009-11-30T21:51:00.002+03:00

You know when someone tells you not to be a certain way or gives you advice on how to be; you start to question yourself? thats how ive been feeling all day. my mom's friend was giving me advice saying, i shouldnt be so open with my life, i should play dumb sometimes- with men. I said i dont like to pretend im someone im not. she said no dont pretend just dont give out too much info , keep some mystery, dont always show that youre smart.. I do that a lil but maybe she's right i dont do it enough. See im starting to doubt myself. but i pride on being someone who isnt ashamed of anything on being someone who doesnt judge and who is comfortable being who she is, its not like im a loud, rude and abnoxious woman. I like showing that im smart... it weeds out the dumb men. I think ive come to a conclusion today... that i subconsciously pick the wrong men because its easier, coz there doesnt necessarily have to be a commitment, coz i can have my way and then be alone again... coz apparently i might be allergic to commitment coz im so scared of being bored, of being stuck and tied down. I dont think really that anyone is smart enough for me, but at the same time i think Why? how is it that im still single? and then i start to look at my beautiful single friends, the ones who are independent and have killer bodies and boobs, the ones who can be the life of a party and the ones who can be miss innocent and miss slut at the same time and then i start to feel better about myself.

i sometimes want to give up on men and maybe give women a try coz im disgusted by them sometimes, when i think what men are capable of... wars, rapes, murders, genocide. Yes women arent innocent bystanders but how often do you hear of a woman serial killer? Other women perform genital mutilation on other women, but i think at the end of the day there is something motherly and warm about women. But,... i love men too much, i love gossiping about a date, i love the way they smell and i love the way they hold you and to be honest i love sleeping with them (minus the bad ones).

i was with a friend today who reminded me about the guy .. should i say LOSER i dated in college and while i was saying i hope he burns in hell for what he did to m e and i hope the devil splits him in half and shoves a pitchfork up his ass till he is screaming bloody muder, i realised i was getting very angry, so angry i was ready to cry.

Her girlfriend pointed out that i was clearly not over it.. but then i said its been 8 yrs i def am over it, i knew i was lying to myself and to her when i said that. If i ever see him i will pounce on him and beat the living crap out of him, im over that loser im just not over what he did to me, i hate him i fucking hate him i wish i could bash his head into the ground, but of course i always take the higher road and walk away from it all, lil good its done me huh ?

her diamonds

2009-11-26T19:36:00.001+03:00

i just got this email on FB from this Greek guy i met at a friend's wedding in May, i was supposed to see him in July when i went to Greece but we didnt get the chance.

hello sweet heart how is everything in saudi?
i took ramez on a ride with my vespa
but i can not wait to take you on top
you naughty you look great anyway but with the blonde wig you drive me crazy do you know that?
theo

Interstate love Song

2009-11-25T14:35:00.002+03:00

Im fed up with that game that people play when they meet someone... you know .. that 3 day rule sort of thing, coz ill seriously loose interest in a guy if he waits to get in touch. Now im giving Z the benefit of the doubt because i think he's sorta probably ending it with that chick that he said he was casually dating, and even if thats not the case then its his loss. I am an amazing beautiful woman who is too busy and too old for games. we had 2 or 3 fb messages - pretty casual. Im not gonna waste my time thinking about this one.
Im invited to a thanksgiving dinner tonight at some guy's house who ive never met. Should be fun. He's part of that whole crew that i hung out with on the boat trip.
I had a terrible dream the other night, basically i should stop drinking and smoking, sometimes its easy and sometimes its hard. I really wish i were going away for eid, i might decide to go to Oman at the last minute.
Christmas boy was supposed to sleep over tonight but he got bored waiting around in Abu Dhabi for me to be done with work so he went back to Dubai.

Hey u!

2009-11-22T13:44:00.010+03:00

Camping was sooooo much fun, the people were amazing and i liked almost everyone... the only ones who got my nerves were that loud, foul mouthed Egyptian girl - who needs to get laid so badly,... and the Italian.. but the Italian cant help it, they usually are cold to begin with so im giving him some time to grow on me. Its true ive never really liked Egyptians ever since that bitch in boarding school, but now im starting to notice that i really dont like the majority of them.
Anyways so we got to the Island and the minute i started talking to this one guy who incidentaly turned out to be Mobo's roomate! i had a feeling that he was interested, lets call him Zephyr, Z for short. He took me on a jetski ride, i met the whole crew - lovely mix of people, the majority were foreigners, swedish, lebanese, english, american etc... we cooked, had drinks, swam and set up the tents. Peeing was an experience, going into the bushes, i was trying to only go when i really had to.
Me and Z talked for most of the evening, he called me Ammani at one point coz i asked him his age, i said the only reason why i asked is coz he lived in Montreal and i was wondering if he was friends with my friends, but yeah i secretly wanted to know how old he was. So here are the stats:
Zephyr - single (was/is casually dating someone but he ended it recently), 32, Christian (i dont care to be honest and neither does he) born and raised in Greece, then moved to Toronto and studied in Montreal, did grad school in INSEAD, lived in london for a year and works in the family business of insurance. Hasnt had a serious relationship in a while. His parents now live in Amman. oh and at 1 point he had a tongue ring, just like me!
So... at some point he wants to go for a walk on the beach so we go and sit down and talk a bit, he wants to cuddle so i let him... he wants to kiss and i say nope... sorry.. i dont kiss someone i just met. He said cant you enjoy the moment, its a great moment.. i said it is but im not comfy with kissing someone i just met and if you wanna see me again and maybe kiss me then your gonna have to get to know me better and take me out. He threw in the Ammani comment again and i said think whatever you want, im not doing this to tease you.
So cuddling away we did, and he played with my hair, told me how much he loves my hair and the way i smell, and we enjoyed the moment under the stars. We joined everyone later, he was getting a bit tipsy by this point. We went for another walk again later, and again he kept trying to kiss me, i kept saying listen i wanna get to know you better whats the rush. He's like cant you enjoy the moment, i said i was i just dont like to rush...
We cuddled some more, then i said you probably wont remember most of this, he said i probably wont, just the good parts.... SMOOTH... He said i dont know if you noticed but ever since i first saw you, ive been wanting to kiss you. AWWWWWWW sweet :) i said well who knows, take me out and will see. I kept bbming Pantuks and he was like " so is your boyfriend wondering where you are?" At one point i pulled Mobo aside and asked him if his roomate was a decent guy, he said he wouldnt bring just anyone to be his roomate, and he asked me if i wanted him to spend more time with him to get to know him better, i said no man its cool. Z later asked if i was asking Mobo about him, i said dont flatter yourself :P
he went off to sleep, i joined him in the tent later, we kept dozing off then cuddling, then it got really hot and we noticed everyone decided not to sleep in the tents, so we took our sleeping bags and passed out on the beach, but i couldnt sleep till about 4 am and i got up at 6 freezing.. so he hugged me to keep me warm and i decided to just get up at 6:30 took some beautiful shots of the sunrise and walked on the beach by myself.. it was the most beautiful way to wake up.
He was teasing me a bit in the morning by asking me when i was going to take him out for dinner to make up for not kissing him... haha cheeky bugger, and he said he'd ask his parents if they knew my family and get the dirt on us.
Anyways i met some lovely people, added most of them on Facebook... U know when you say a very inappropriate story infront of a crowd thats a bit prudish or maybe coz you just dont know them that well? thats what i did during the trip im just glad not many people heard it, i was kinda embarrased.

Anyways Z ended up dropping me home, coz i was "casually mentioning" that i needed to take a cab and he said you know you could ask me, i said i dont wanna impose, he's like seriously you can ask me, im droppin you.. he did, he didnt ask for my number tho but that shouldnt be too hard to find..
Z added me to FB, will see what happens with those dinner plans, coz i dont think im going to ask him... he's heading to Greece and Amman in Eid.. im heading to Dubai and RAK with Dandoon for a lil getaway.. cant wait!

Its not my problem

2009-11-19T15:40:00.002+03:00

Things in the office are getting ridiculous and dirty. Immature lebanese people who's egos are so over inflated.. you'd think with all their civil wars and problems that they would know better than to start feuds in the office and try to create groups against one another. And to top it all off my boss insists on telling me details about everyone.. such as: so and so is trying to win those two guys over by getting them Russian prositutes to their apartment. I mean really?... really? do i wanna know this shit?!
Not going too much into detail coz as long as it doesnt affect me directly then i dont care they can go and bash heads all they want.. but its so fucking unproffesional.. there's a job to be done here!
I officially moved into my apartment.. Marky slept over the first night coz i was a lil scared, and Raj is sleeping over for the next 4 days coz she's visiting from London. Im going on a boat trip tomorrow with Mobo and his friends for his 30th bday. We're gonna camp out there for a night. Next weekend is Eid and we gonna be off for about a week, i woulda gone home but mommy and daddy dearests arent gonna be there and yes pantuks id like to see you, but youre going to Beirut.
Remember boy from xmas last year? we're friends now and i see him every now and then... he might come into to Abu Dhabi on Sun, so he might crash on my sofa...
Yes, i said on my sofa, and no nothing is going to happen.. im not interested, even though i was saying id like to christen the apartment.. but im saving it for someone special.. :P
I hope tomorrow is good, it'd be nice to meet some new people and most of them are foreign. This body is soooo not bikini ready,... but then again when will it ever be?

Kansas City

2009-11-15T12:22:00.002+03:00

Spent 4 days in Dubai, headed down on wed with G, the conversation was pretty funny, i have fun with him, we stopped for sandwiches before, and played 20 questions on the way. I discovered we've had the same embarassing story happen to us - which i will def not be sharing with anyone! We talked about relationships, cheating, etc. Went to his house got dressed and went to the launch party my company was throwing, it was ok, my boss said i could take thurs off which we all did! Thurs had a girly dinner in Mirai at Souk El bahar with Bisso, was nice, then friday went to the mall for brunch with a bunch of people and G. There was this girl and her bro with us (from Amman)-- sooooo not my cup of tea. I feel like they are so closed minded especially her bro, who claims he's so exposed but he has an issue with his sister dancing!? What century do we live in?! He didnt accept for my cousin, who's a woman to pay for the bill for dessert and he caused a scene in the restaurant and called the waitress stupid!! The manager was sooo offended, G and my cousin spent 10 minutes apologising profusley. What an ass! his sister wasnt my cup of tea either, G was asking her what music she likes and she didnt give him a straight answer and then he said: what do you listen to in the car, and she said, "nothing, the Quran" ummm ok ... now im all for respecting everyone's religion but u dont have to be all righteous and shit..
anyways so we walked around the mall, spent more time with G. Saturday i went for breakfast with Syrian boy, then met up with G and his colleague, had the best slow roasted shoulder of lamb ever! His colleague and i walked out and G went to the bathroom, he couldnt find us and eventually he did and his colleague was ahead of us and G put his arm around me and we walked like that for about 10 secs. The thing is i like him, but i know eventually we wouldnt be very compatible for the reasons ive stated before.
He picked me up today to head back to AD - coz he works there and we were just starting to have a good conversation before he dropped me off.. he's looking for someone who is a believer in Islam, not nec super religious or anything, but someone with morals. Hmmmmm yeah i got my morals.. but im not really religious if at all.. but that doesnt make me a bad person, you can be moral without religion.
Personally im fine with things the way they are, and im just enjoying his company.
i was thinking of going to Oman for Eid, but the ticket prices just doubled! was gonna go visit my friend from college and her girlfriend. i guess ill figure it out over the next few days.

Remember me as a time of day

2009-11-08T12:51:00.002+03:00

Spent the weekend in Dxb, went out on Thurs night for Syrian boy's bday (the guy i went out on the date with a few weeks back) we went to Zuma with his sis, her fiance, a mutual friend plus 3. Then we headed to Sanctuary, which im def not ever going back to. Its just sooo not my crowd and the Abu Dhabi girls that were there were a bit too slutty for my taste. One of them actually came up to me at an event last week and proceeded to tell me about how the weed in Bangalore was amazing and that they have the best coke there.. ummm yeah thanks for the info!
Anyways nothing happened with Syrian boy, i dont think im interested, but i have been hanging out with G alot.
G is a friend of a friend who i met 3 yrs ago but we didnt start hanging out till i moved to the UAE, there is the daily bbms and phone calls but im not that interested in him either and i dont think he sees me as more than a friend. He's very sociable, doesnt drink and is slightly religious but he does like to party.. i respect pple like that.. i just dont know how they do it. Im starting to find him cute lately, but i know i could never date him, we would just bash heads - he doesnt like tattoos - i have 2, he's religious - im not, he doesnt drink - i do, he thinks gay people have some sort of psychological imbalance - huh!!? So yeah i dont think i could ever date someone like that. But other than that he's actually a great friend.
Mobo and i chatted the other day.. i missed his house warming party, i couldnt be bothered to be honest, although i shouldve gone only for the sole purpose of meeting new people in Abu Dhabi.
I cant drive anymore coz i got my residency, but that means i can open a bank account :) im doing my theoretical drivers class today, and then i have to do the drivers test after that at some point in the near future. How ridiculous is that? i need to take a drivers test to see if i know how to drive after ive been driving for over 11 years!?
Formula 1 fever hit abu dhabi and Hotness and the brother came to Abu Dhabi, was nice having them with me :) we went to see Beyonce.. who by the way is an amazing performer and Kings of Leon - who rocked! Brother even caught the towel with Nathan Followill's sweat - it smelt like roses in case you were wondering.
I get my furniture in 3 days woohooo.. i was worried about sleeping alone in the house but luckily marky will be staying with me the first night and Raj is coming to visit for 4 days so thats cool.
Too bad i wont be able to travel in Eid coz im the new girl and we might have a bunch of live shows. boooooo
I had a few days where i kept thinking about Nena - but im over it now .. thank god

Anyways

crying lightning (long post warning)!

2009-10-26T10:42:00.004+03:00

My friend banana was on my case again yesterday to give her dude a call (the one she tried to get me to talk to over the phone a few months ago - the one who's based in Dubai and we spoke twice and he never called me again). i honestly got severely irritated, she wanted me to call him, im sorry im not going to go around following some guy i've never even met. She says i n eed to put myself out there more. I DONT KNOW ANYONE WHO PUTS THEMSELVES OUT THERE MORE THAN ME! If anything i should retreat, go into hiding and become a cat lady. Im sure if any woman has had to put up with half the shit ive faced with the men ive dated they would spend every night in a bubble bath, crying themselves silly whilst drinking away and contemplating slitting their wrists.
where do i begin?
Should i start with the first person i thought i loved?
I was 16 he was 15, it was a secret relationship and he was my neighbour, his friends didnt know about me and my friends didnt know he existed. We would meet up in my garage or at his house and sneak kisses in the neighbourhood, or we would co-ordinate to meet in the school hallway at a specific time so we could exchange notes. No one had a clue, and before long i was head over heels in love, and i didnt expect it to happen with him, i was actually crushing on his best friend and we started a friendship which led to him confessing he had feelings for me. 3 months later at a shaggy concert i saw him in a corner drunk and making out with his ex- girlfriend. 3 days before my birthday he came over and told me it was over. My heart shattered into a million pieces. The day of my 16th birthday i took the drastic decision to go to boarding school and it took me 2 years to get over him. I moved to Lebanon for university and immediatly began looking for his phone number. Once i finally saw him again i realised he had become too lebanese for my taste and like that; i got over him.
My next "serious" relationship - which i will not go into detail about because to this day i still feel like an idiot about it, but im ever so greatful that it happened because it made me stronger - lasted about 2 years and resulted in him cheating, lying and stealing as well as emotionaly abusing me . And also involved his sister breaking and entering my house, running up a phone bill of over 400$ and a series of lies. In the end i decided not to confront it, and let it go, walking away from it and never getting the closure i deserved. I hope he burns in hell and i know if i ever see him its going to take a miracle for me to not spit in his face and then slap him. And thats all im ever going to say about that.
Fast forward to 2002, where i met nena, the day we met was the day we started dating, it scared me a lil at first but i went with it and 5 days later he told me he loved me. A month later he was talking marriage. I loved him madly, looking back, i see the mistakes i made, i should have been a little more independent, a little stronger, but i didnt realise it then. i was new to Amman and i didnt know anyone and i was very dependent on him. We talked about having children, of moving to Spain, of getting married. We traveled together and i thought i got away with it, but a year later my parents found out. Eventually i realised i loved him more than he loved me, he started taking things for granted, he got lazy, i didnt feel appreciated and so i ended it. Every now and then we would run into each other and he would confess his love for me, and would tell me " one day i am going to marry you, you will see, you are the mother of my children" Often he would say this when he was intoxicated, and he never did anything about it when he was sober. I had a fling or 2 but i always thought about him. 2 years later he was married. I never bumped into him when he was married, but in Feb 2007 i got a text message from him, and i soon discovered he was getting a divorce.
He wanted to meet up. A week later i agreed, he told me everything and then he said to me " theres something ive always wanted to tell you, forget everything, forget everyone, to me you are perfect, i regret the day i ever met you because i compare every woman to you and how you treated me. I know i could never have married you because i would have always felt inferior, i always would have felt that your parents would think you could do better than me". Silly me, he got to me again and i let him in, what was i expecting? It could have only ended in disaster.
A month of not sleeping or eating, and obsessing and i finally blew up in his face and told him it wasnt fair what he did to me, i had to let him go. So i walked away. A few random txt msgs from him here and there and a quick kiss before i moved to london. In July 08 i called him, i missed him too much. He announced he was getting married in August.
I never spoke to him after that.
My heart cant take it anymore, maybe thats partly the reason why i didnt love BF in london, and the reason im so cynical when it comes to love, yet i tear up at the sight of a Hallmark commercial or a stupid movie like Forrest Gump.

All this does not include all the random flings and relationships that lasted under 6 months and trust me there's quite a few of those. Like the one who was an extremist - in Ramadan he would fast, go to the mosque and right after Ramadan he drank like a fish, flirted with every woman in sight and so on. This is after we spent over a month talking until 6 am on the phone and meeting up before and after iftar. What about the one (Y2k - 2 yrs ago) who accidently called me a ho, and was so insecure he would apologise for the way he looked, and who i think was Bi-polar, having extreme mood shifts and would grab my leg under the table and look at me with his beady eyes and tell me in a violent voice to not make fun of him in public. Yeah that was over before it even started.
I put myself out there, i go on dates, i actively go out and meet people because you never know who you might meet, you never know when you'll find love and they say it happens when you least expect it. So i guess im not entirely cynical and there is a little part of me that has hope and is holding out for THE ONE, but im also a realist and with my long list of dates and past relationships i also know that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get to a nice frog. Sorry there are no princes in my books.

Gimme Something true

2009-10-25T12:20:00.003+03:00

The whole conversation with Mobo was bugging for the last 2 weeks so i met up with him and told him that this wasnt harmless flirting .. he led me on.. even if nothing was going to happen between us, i dont flirt like that with my guy friends.. he felt embarassed and thanked me for being honest with him. I feel relief. Even if we dont end up close i dont care, im sick of men stepping on me and i need peace of mind. So i told it like it is and told him not to do that and to over flirt with people because it confuses a person.
End of story
I finally bought furniture for my new place yippe but it needs over 2 weeks to deliver .. booo... I hate people who belittle me and my mom's best friends son did that to me the other day.. uffft.. i hate the way he talks... he tries so hard to be professional or be serious that it comes across as arrogant.. and i was only trying to be nice. fuck em.
So ive been spending time with Marky mark and funky T - i love them i can definitly count on them for anything. We're gonna carve our pumpkins on tuesday :)
I did my bloodtest today for HIV part of me is a lil worried but i know i should be ok..
I want to complain about work.. but im not going to coz i asked for it.. basically there isnt much for me to do.. which maybe is a blessing right now.
Cant wait for my bro and T to come :) yaaaay

Stay close

2009-10-16T13:49:00.003+03:00

Had a date last night, this guy i met at the wedding i went to 2 weeks ago with Mobo. we had been talking on FB a lil bit and he finally asked me out for drinks last night. We ended up going to Calabar in The Address Hotel - it was super packed we sat outside by the bar and talked.. He's a nice guy, he bought me a glass of champagne to celebrate my contract signing. The conversation flowed, very light stuff nothing serious. He's not a very good looking guy, a lil dorky, square glasses, slightly balding, he's 32, syrian, "good family" does financial management or something like that. Has an MBA. Ended up at Calabar for 2 - 3 hours then went to Zaatar wo Zeit, i had a good time with him because i was very comfortable, coz i didnt feel intimidated and cause maybe his personality is weaker than mine so i felt chilled and the fact that im not that interested or expecting much is making me feel at ease.

On the work front: I finally signed my bloody contract... that HR chick was such a ho bag...i dont wanna go into details thinking about it make me want to beat her. I just have my bloodwork and health check up to do...

i found a studio.. its a lil pricey but the size is great - except for the bathroom... its tiny.. if you wanna pee your knees are gonna hit the door!

oh well. the location isnt too bad... 5 mins from work. Mobo has been a lil distant lately but im ok with it coz im just extremely disappointed in the whole thing.

Im just worried i might be a lil lonely living on my own.. did i do the right choice? am i just getting cold feet now.. coz this is what i wanted.. so i just have to grow up and accept it.

Jump in the pool

2009-10-10T17:50:00.002+03:00

Ive decided im going to become a kept woman.

Kept Woman (Definition): Historically, a kept woman is one who maintains a comfortable (or even lavish) lifestyle by a wealthy man so that she will be available for his sexual pleasure.

You cant tell me i lead a boring life... After being repeatedly disappointed by men; ive decided its the best solution to my situation. I dont need a man (romantically) anymore, coz i only end up getting hurt, but if i become a kept woman i dont necessarily need to be emotionally attached to the guy. SO...... Im not going to go into details but there is someone very influential and powerful in my life and if i wanted to i could totally be his kept woman. (In all seriousness you know i could never really do this.. but the fantasy is there.)

Yesterday i was invited by said person for dinner... i didnt know where or how. All i knew is what his butler told me and that was to be ready at 9:15 and to dress casual and a car would come by and pick me up.

I ended up going to a building in downtown AD, i had instructions to head to the top floor and take the staircase to the penthouse.

I waited in a living room and watched some Mtv ( very random) and waited. He finally showed up and we spent most of the night talking, watching tv and having a few drinks. By 11 pm i thought to myself "ok, dinner is nowhere in sight, probably better if i leave soon." Literally 2 mins later the butler appears with a dish of ravioli for me and a dish of grilled salmon and salad for him. I take one bite and he says to me " stop eating". I thought this must be some joke.. ive only taken one bite and im starving.. is he picking on me?

He then said " there's a lot more food coming" i thought: how much more could there be?

In order here is what i was served:

Ravioli

Shrimps in sauce

Chicken pie with baked potato

Lobster

Beef (castalleta) with veggies

Curry

Hammour

Shepherd's Pie

Veal

Steak with crusted potato

Fondant au chocolat

Apple Tart with ice cream

Chocolate moose with whipped cream and raspberries

Mint sorbet

- Im really not kidding... thats what i had for dinner last night,and they were full plates... but to be honest i didnt get a chance to enjoy the dishes, coz the butler came out every 2 minutes with a new dish and i could only manage to squeeze in 2 bites of each. The chicken pie was to die for, as was the veal,.. its probably the best veal ive ever had in my life.

While i was feasting like a piglet, he sat there nibbling on his grilled salmon and salad, occasionally getting up to cut up my food and spoon feed me. He also was refilling my glass of wine at every available chance.

I honestly could get used to this lifestyle ( and food) but i would be living at the gym. After toasting each other cheers about a gazillion times and once the meal was done, he led me downstair to an elevator that only leads to the basement and said that a car would be waiting for me around the corner. He hugged me good bye and that was that.

Now to be honest, can you blame me for thinking that i want to be his kept woman? He feeds me, takes care of me, every now and then buys me an expensive gift, and almost every year sends me flowers for valentines day... all in exchange for what? 2 hours of my time? And no i havent even touched him. Its not a bad deal if you ask me. and he's not entirely bad looking.

Yellow ledbetter

2009-10-08T09:47:00.003+03:00

Me and Mobo have finally had "the talk" it didnt happen or go as i expected.. but im actually ok with it. We went to the wedding and when i saw him i felt this isnt the man for me.. i adore him but theres something missing.. maybe the fact that i wasnt feeling it from his end affected the way i was thinking of him. Dont get me wrong, he's a total gentleman and any girl would be lucky to be with him, and in some way i do love him, but maybe its just not time... maybe we're just better off as friends.

Heres how the conversation went ( and by the way it was all on bbm a few days after the wedding)

I said to him that i might score some F1 tix and if he wanted to come with me, He said dont you wanna save it for a special person, i said dont underestimate yourself, you are special.. he said yeah but i assume you mean friends special, i said dont be presumptious. He said " i mean i dont want to read into this too much but i presume you see us as friends right? Or am i missing something?"

Me: Weve always been friends, but let me be honest, every now and then i get a vibe, maybe im reading this wrong,

Mobo: hmmm. I f i want to be completely honest, i can say that i REALLY enjoy the time we spend together and i really value your friendship / company. But thats all i really see it as. I see why we were best friends or so i think back in the day.

Me: Same here, the flirtation aspect was throwing me off.

Mobo: my sister questioned me through an interrogation , and she wasnt convinced that we were just friends. She did understand that i simply enjoy hanging out with you. But i apologise if i flirt, i just like to be nice to people i care about ( ASSSHOOOOLLLLLEEEE - he was more than flirting)

Me: i thought maybe it was more than that coz we spend a lot of time chatting etc, and i dont wanna get mixed signlas which to be honest i felt you were giving me.

Mobo: if you;d rather we dont talk as much i understand, i just thought we were both messing around

Me: since its all clear now trust me its cool

Mobo:i was harmlessly flirting around, i hope your not upset,

Me: i love our friendship and would hate for something to mess it up

Mobo: i wouldnt wanna see you upset, im with you on that one, and im sorry if this is happening on bbm, i would rather have to talk face to face on such a topic.

Me: yay, so we are clear on things. Im actually relieved

Mobo: im sorry was i confussing you / stressing you out

Me: you were confusing me. i was like wait a sec does he like me or is he being friendly, and then we would have naughty chats and i was like hmm im not hallucinating.

Mobo: my bad! i was just having a playful soul.

PLAYFUL SOUL MY ASS!!!!!

ok apparently im pissed off about this, im only pissed because again i would have something to look forward to and now its gone, and im sorry you cant talk to your friends the way he did... he should have been clear from the beginning.. but again i dont expect too much from some men..

im glad this happened before i officially moved.. ill get over this very quickly and move on to the next.. because thats what i do and especially coz im moving to a new place i need to socialize as much as possible..

On the work front, the paper work has started for my employment and im supposed to sign in the next week, i cant believe that bitch at HR spoke to me the way she did... i cant wait to meet her and give her bitchy looks..

Love long distance

2009-10-01T09:11:00.002+03:00

Just had a horrible dream, is my subconcious trying to tell me something?
I dreamt i was back at school and Mobo was in my class (which he never was) and at the end of class he went up to this brunette and he offered her some gum and he looked like a love sick puppy... it made my stomach turn that he was interested in someone else. So he tried to talk to me after class but i just said "i cant do this" and kept walking.. He managed to catch up with me and as we were walking across the football field i said "ok there's something i have to tell you, I have feelings for you" He just looked away and cringed and said " oh no!" i said "its not my fault, youve been flirting with me and dont deny it, and weve been friends for a long time it was bound to happend" He said "youre right i have been flirting but only as a friend" i said "you know what? ill get over it, we just cant be friends for a lil bit" and in my head i was trying to find all the faults about him so i could get over him... e.g. : he's too syrian, too dorky etc. and then i thought i guess i should just go on with my life and not bother falling for anyone coz men are a waste of time and ill just sleep with them when i feel the need but that i shouldnt get emotionally involved with anyone coz its not worth it.
So i woke up feeling :( what if Mobo doesnt like me like that? But he shows me signs and says things, am i creating scenarios in my head? We'll find out tomorrow - im headin to AD for a wedding and he's my date and i know he's not going to ditch me unless a meteor hits him on the head.

Dice

2009-09-28T00:20:00.003+03:00

Im headin to Dubai in the morning. Mostly im looking forward to it, there was a small piece of me that got emotional today when i saw all my friends in the living room and i thought.. i have a great bunch of people around me.. am i sure i want to leave them?
But i know i have to go out and branch out on my own and do this for myself. I need to feel independent and like an adult. I need to move away from Jordanian society for a little while, its to claustrophobic and fake at times. Im not say Abu Dhabi is going to be better, but it will be a change.
Im just worried this whole contract thing is going to take a while, so in the meantime ive started looking at other jobs just in case.
Mobo and i were bbm-ing yest.
First he was telling me that he was thinking about me and my work situation and that i should start looking elsewhere coz theyve been stringing me along for far too long... he apparently thought of that when he was in the shower.... and then..

Mobizzle: So what were u so pissed about a few days back?
Me: Me? Pissed?
Mobizzle: Something on FB
(My status was "its not me its u"
Me: I just lilke that line, been tempted to use it a few times
Mobizzle: Yup, Lol, OOoookkkkkkkkk :) It better not be you!
Mobizzle: Reema was like, Bliss seems pissed at some dude
Me: Yeah, I'm perfect , everyone else is just stupid
Mobizzle: And I'm like, y am I always everybody's cause of being upset?!?
Me: Hahahha no no there's no dude
Mobizzle: I didn't even talk to her
Me: She thought I was mad at u?
Mobizzle: So she's like, ok good. She's a nice girl ok. So don't do anything stupid.. I have no clue... But she said that, Dude, that girl seriously has ure back. No idea what u two have going on, but she's got ure back bigtime
Me: Hahah yeah u can't mess with me
Mobizzle: Aparently not, It just surprised me what she thinks of me
Mobizzle: I was like, u think wee have something going on?
Me: I wonder why she thinks that
Mobizzle: And if so, why would I be pissing her off?
Mobizzle: No clue
Me: Maybe she's just hopeful
Mobizzle: Maybe.
Me: Coz we've been friends for a while
Mobizzle: Well, she does like u And she always says its hard to find good girls
Me: Plus u used to have a crush on me back in the day
Mobizzle: And really is skeptical of 99.43% of them out there

HMMMMMMMMMMMM...... thoughts?

She likes to move

2009-09-22T23:55:00.011+03:00

Current femme crushes... feeling the love for the ladies lately..

1- Catherine McNeil (hot aussie and lesbot..who is dating another hottie aussie - Ruby Rose)

2- Tasha Tilberg... Maybe i do have a type.. skinny models.. but i do like curvy women as well.. i dont discriminate..

3- Amanda Moore.... add 10 - 15 pounds on her and she'll be my housewife..

4- Ruby Rose... hot aussie VJ.. guess i obviously have a type.. australian.. brunette and tattooed.